Page 61 of Check the Halls
Because he was so close. Because I missed him. Because I felt broken, and I thought maybe—justmaybe—he could fix me.
“Because I wanted to,” I admit breathlessly. The effects of the alcohol I drank last night have long worn off, but I feel drunk on him. On his nearness. On the way he looks at me like I’m all that matters.
His face inches closer. He’s not touching me, but he’s close enough that I can feel the heat of his skin. “And what do you want now?”
My brain short-circuits, unable to process everything I’m feeling fast enough to form words.
What do I want?
I want Ben—more than I’ve ever wanted anything—but some part of me still doesn’t believe I’m allowed to have him.
I want to lean into him, to rest in the safety of his arms and trust he’ll hold the weight of me—but not until I’m sure I’m capable of letting go.
I want to surrender completely to what I feel for him, to fall without fear—but only if there's some guaranteetucked into the fine print that I won’t end up broken again.
My mouth opens but no sound comes out. I swallow against the lump in my throat as I blink back tears.
“It’s okay, Madness,” he murmurs, stroking my cheek with his thumb. “You’re allowed to be confused. You just called off your engagement and I don’t expect you to have all the answers right now. But I need you to understand something—I’mnot confused. I know what I want. But I also know that just because I want it doesn’t mean I’ll get it.” His mouth curves into a small, almost sad smile. “So take your time. Figure out whatyouwant. Not what I want, not what your mom wants, not what Derek wants.You.Can you do that?”
“Yes.” I barely breath the word.
Ben nods slowly, his eyes flickering down to my lips before meeting mine again. “Good.”
His hand drifts from the wall to my hair, gently tucking a loose tendril behind my ear. His touch is featherlight, but it sends a shiver down my spine.
“You and Cheshire can stay here as long as you need,” he continues. “I made arrangements with my buddy Will to crash at his place for a while.”
I shake my head. “I can’t ask you to do that.”
“You’re not.” His lips twitch like he’s resisting a smirk. “I want you to have your own space while you figure things out.”
My stomach twists. “What if I don’t want space?”
I don’t sayfrom you, but it lingers in the air between us.
Something that looks a lot like hope glints in his eyes. “I’ll be around as much or as little as you want me to be,” he promises. “But Idothink it might be harder for you tofind clarity with me sleeping down the hall.” His grin turns wolfish. “You know, since you find me so attractive and I’msogood at sex.”
“You’re theworst.” I shove his chest, laughing despite myself.
He chuckles, stepping away, and part of me wants to pull him right back.
“Thank you,” I tell him, my voice quieter now. “For letting me stay. For…letting me get my head on right.”
“Take as much time as you need.” His expression softens. “All I ask is that before we take things further, you’re sure it’s what youreallywant. If you do decide you want to try again…I want to do things right this time. Because losing you was the worst thing that’s ever happened to me. I won’t survive it again.”
The urge to launch myself at him nearly overpowers me. But he’s right. I’m not ready and I don’t want to rush things. He’s giving me the time and space I need and I’m not going to take it for granted.
“I should get to work.”
“I’ll drive you.”
“You don’t have to do that.” He’s done so much for me already, I can’t keep relying on his kindness.
He smirks. “I kind of do. Your car is still at the hotel.”
Ugh. “Right. Are you sure you don’t mind?”
“Of course not.” He grabs his keys and I grab my bag. We both say goodbye to Cheshire who ignores us.
