Page 5 of Check the Halls
“He was an asset to the team today,” I say, turning away as I start to strip off my sweaty gear. “I guess I’m trying to show my appreciation a bit more. Or whatever.”
Will opens his mouth like he’s about to comment, but closes it again. His eyes flit to Foster, who gives him an almost imperceivable shake of the head.
“What?” I ask irritatedly.
Hesitantly, Will asks, “Does this have anything to do with your blast from the past the other day?”
I glare at Foster who raises his hands. “Beth told him.”
“Your girlfriend’s got a big mouth,” I glower at him.
“I’ll thank you not to talk about Beth’s mouth. I’m rather fond of it.”
“Ugh–gross, Man.” I throw a towel that he dodges with ease. “Don’t talk about my sister’s mouth.”
“You’re the one who brought it up.” His face splits into a rare grin.
I can’t bring myself to be upset with Beth after the scare I gave her last week. One second I was chatting with her and Foster, and then without warning, I wasjaywalking across a busy intersection. It’s not like I had a choice. Once I’d spotted Maddy across the street, I had to go to her.
Ten years. Ten years and it felt like nothing had changed. I don’t know why I thought seeing her again would feel different. Easier, maybe? Like time would’ve dulled my feelings for her.
But the instant her gaze met mine, I was gone. Just like that, everything I’d buried, every stupid hope, every broken promise, every ounce of love I never managed to shake, came rushing back all at once.
I shake my head, pushing away the thought of her looking as stunned as I felt. That fiery red hair catching the sunlight. The blue eyes I’d happily drown in. The long legs that used to wrap around me.
“I’m just trying to be a better teammate. It’s got nothing to do with Madelyn.” It’s a bold face lie. Because it’s got everything to do with her. And not just our chance encounter, which hurt just as much as it helped. Seeing her for the first time in a decade was like slicing open a wound that never properly healed, but it also made me feel things I thought I’d never feel again.
Hearing of her engagement last year sent me into a self-destructive spiral that lasted several months. I threw myself into a relationship with a supermodel I was completely ill-suited for just to feel less alone. When things with Valentina ended in disaster, Beth not only helped me pull myself together, she forced me to take a good hard look at my life and relationships.
I’ve been selfish. Not the loud, obvious kind that screams for attention, but the quiet kind. The kind thattakes without realizing, that assumes people will always be there because they always have been.
Looking back, I see things so clearly now: the moments I put myself first. Not because I didn’t care, but because I didn’t think past my own wants and needs. I’ve hurt people I love, not on purpose, but does that even matter? Intent doesn’t erase the damage.
I hate the way it feels, knowing I’ve let people down. Knowing I’ve taken for granted the ones who’ve stood by me, even when I didn’t deserve it. Realizing that if I hadn’t been so self-involved, things may have been different. I might not have lost her.
I don’t want to lose anyone else. I can’t.
So, I’m done with excuses. No more brushing it off or pretending I didn’t know better. Idoknow better now and I’ve spent the last nine months trying to be a better teammate, son, brother, and friend.
I’ve changed. Seeing Maddy confirmed that for me. The old Ben would have gone to the nearest pub to find comfort in a bottle or the arms of a willing stranger when Maddy turned me down for a coffee. Instead, I went back to my condo and sent the email I’ve been thinking about sending for months.
Big Buddies is a non-profit organization I’ve long admired that matches mentors with at-risk kids. I’d just told Beth and Foster that I was thinking about volunteering right before my run in with Maddy and they both thought it was a great idea.
Even though it was a Sunday, someone at the organization got back to me right away and after filling out some forms and providing them with a clean criminal recordscheck, they accepted my application and welcomed me to the program.
I suppose I shouldn’t have been so surprised by how quickly everything came together. They probably don’t have pro hockey players signing up to mentor kids every day. The volunteer coordinator said they would be happy to work with my schedule, which can be a bit unpredictable. I’m still waiting to be matched with a kid, but I’m really looking forward to giving back. I haven’t been this excited about something for a long time.
And to be perfectly honest, I need the distraction.
“Just don’t give Austin too many compliments,” Foster tells me as I’m heading for the showers. “If his head gets any bigger, he won’t fit on the bus.”
I grin at him, grateful for the subject change he just gifted me. “Noted.”
CHAPTER 3
MADDY
Mom: How is your week going, sweetie?
