Page 47 of Check the Halls
Back when I was living solely for myself. Back when I was thinking with my dick instead of my brain or, God forbid, my heart.
But I haven’t been that guy in a long time. And I don’t miss him.
It’s not like I’ve been celibate. I had a few hookups last season, a couple of one-night stands over the summer. But since Maddy came back into my life? I can’t even fathom becoming that guy again.
"There had to be a reason," Sam presses, unwilling to let it go. "Did you cheat on her?"
"What?" My head snaps up, eyes locking onto his. "God, no. Never."
I may have been selfish. I may have taken Maddy for granted, but I never would have donethat. Christ. I’d been so in love with her that other women didn’t evenexistto me.
Maybe that’s why yesterday rattled me so much.
Even though all my sleeping around happenedafterwe broke up…even though she has a fiancé now, and there’s no going back…I still don’t want her to see me like that.
“My dad cheated on my mom.” Sam says it plainly, but he can’t hide the hurt in his eyes. “I overheard my mom and her friend talking about it one day when they thought I wasn’t listening.”
“I’m really sorry, Sam.”
He shrugs like he doesn’t care, but I know he does. I’ve only been hanging out with him for a few weeks, but I feel so protective of Sam. Every wall he brings down gives me a better picture of who he is and what he’s been through.
I rub the back of my neck, trying to find the right words to explain it to him. “Things with Maddy were complicated. We were young, you know? Barely out of our teens. I had hockey and she had school. Things just kind of fell apart.” There are a lot of moving pieces in a relationship and unlike in chess, they aren’t all black and white.
Sam regards me thoughtfully for a long beat before speaking. “I’m sorry.”
“You don’t have to be sorry.” I tell him.
“Oh, not about your breakup.” He smirks, moving his queen into checkmate. “About this.”
I blink at the board, realizing too late what he’s done. “You’re ruthless, you know that?”
“Yeah,” he says, grinning. “Another game?”
“Set it up.”
“Have you talked to Maddy lately?”
First Sam and now Beth? Is today National Ask Ben About His Ex-Girlfriend Day?
After getting my ass handed to me in two more matches, I headed to Foster and Beth’s for poker night. With hockey season back in full swing, it’s been a while since we’ve all had a Friday night free. We leave tomorrow afternoon for New York, play Sunday, then fly home. Hosting Boston on Tuesday. The usual grind.
"Yeah, we had the hospital visit for the foundation yesterday."
I wanted to reach out last night. Just to check in, to see how she was holding up. She’d looked overwhelmed, stretched too thin, and I’ve been dying to know if things got any better. But texting her? That would’ve been overstepping. I convinced myself it wasn’t my place anymore.
"Why do you ask?"
"Just curious. I’m hanging out with her tomorrow, and I wasn’t sure?—"
"I’m sorry," I interrupt, my draft beer forgotten as I spin to face her."You’re hanging out with Maddy?"
My Maddy?
"Yes. I ran into her last week. Didn’t I tell you?"
"Where?" The word snaps out of me like a slapshot. How? When? Why? What the hell is happening?
"At yoga," she says, like it’s the most natural thing in the world. "She was coming out of class as I was going in. We’re going to take a class together and then grab a bite to eat. I hope you don’t mind."
