Page 93 of O Goalie Night
BETH
Isit in the cosy corner of the cafe, cradling a warm mug of hot chocolate in my hands. The rich scent of cocoa with a hint of cinnamon fills the air and it's making my stomach growl. I haven’t eaten much over the past few days. My insides have been tying themselves in elaborate knots and I haven’t had much of an appetite.
Through the large window beside me, I watch a family glide across an outdoor skating rink. The evening sky is a deep, velvety blue, and the twinkling lights strung around the rink make the ice glow. The parents skate hand in hand, their laughter carrying softly through the crisp air while their children dart ahead, their cheeks flushed with joy.
I take a sip of my hot chocolate, but my taste buds, like my appetite, seem to be on vacation.
Packing up and leaving the house I’ve called a home for the past month was harder than I ever would have imagined. But I need to sort this mess out with my family and I don’t want Foster to be dragged into it.
A bell chimes from the doorway and I look up to see Ben entering. He scans the room before spotting me.
“Hey,” he says as he approaches the table, warily.
“Hey.”
I’d ignored his calls earlier today. I didn’t have the energy to fight with him. But the text that followed caught me completely off guard.
Ben: I’m sorry, Bug. Can we talk? Please?
We agreed to meet at a cafe close to Tamara’s apartment. I’m honestly not sure what I expect him to say at this point, but I’ve never known my brother to use the words “please” and “sorry” in the same message, so I decided to hear him out.
He slides into the booth across from me looking as tired and dishevelled as I’ve ever seen him.
“I’m a shitty brother.”
I don’t know how to respond to that statement, so I don’t.
“Ouch,” he winces. “Not disagreeing.”
“Sorry. You’re the only brother I have, so I don’t have anything to compare you to.”
“That’s fair, I guess. I know I haven’t made any time for you since you moved here. I’ve been completely self-absorbed and I’ve been making everything about me.”
My fingers tap against the white mug in my hands. “Well, everything has always been about you.”
Hurt registers on his face and I rush to continue. “It’s not really your fault. It’s just sort of the way it’s always been. Mom and Dad put so much focus on you and your hockey career that you became the main family focus.You’re used to everyone listening to you and doing what you want. And I’m sorry, Ben, but that’s just not going to work for me anymore.”
“I still think of you as a kid, I guess.”
“But I’m an adult now. I have been for a long time. I’m going to make mistakes and learn from them as I go. And that’s on me. I’m going to buy the car I want, live where I want, and date who I want. You can’t protect me from getting my heart broken.”
“Foster won’t break your heart,” he states with absolute certainty, surprising me. “Not on purpose, at least. He’s the best person I know. I should have noticed that you two were catching feelings, but I was too absorbed in my own issues. And I definitely shouldn’t have reacted the way I did when I found out. It’s just,” he sighs, running a hand through his hair. “I’ve had my heart broken. I didn’t want that for either of you.”
My brother, usually so full of confidence and swagger, looks like someone drained all the life out of him. “Did you really love Valentina?”
He shakes his head. “No.”
“Then…”
“Madelyn got engaged.” His expression softens when he says her name. “We haven’t talked in years, but I still keep an eye on her socials. Her boyfriend…fiance posted a picture and tagged her in it. I saw it and…I just shut down. I went out to get drunk and that’s when I met Valentina. I told myself that if Maddy could find someone, then I could, too.”
I reach across the table and rest my hand on his. “I didn’t realise you still had feelings for Maddy.”
He smiles sadly. “I never stopped loving her. We wereso young when we broke up. I always thought our paths would cross again and I’d win her back. But that’s not going to happen now. That’s why I tried so hard to make things work with Valentina. I wanted to prove I could be a good partner. Someone that actually deserves Maddy.”
“Hey. From my vantage point, you were doing more than your share in your relationship with Valentina. But regardless of what you do or how much you give, you can’t make something work if you’re not with the right person.”
“What if Maddy was my person? What if I don’t get another one?” He huffs out a laugh. “I’m making this about me again, aren’t I?”
