Page 56 of Raise The Bar
“Sweetheart.” My mother’s voice interrupts my thoughts. She stands to my right with a man I’ve never seen. They must have approached from behind because I didn’t see them coming. He’s got a bald spot on his head, easily visible to me since I’m several inches taller than him. He’s wearing khaki pants with a light blue button up shirt tucked into them. He’s holding my mom’s hand, his fingers interlocked with hers. “This is Daniel. Daniel, this is my Callum.”
“It’s so great to meet you, finally,” he says, letting go of my mothers hand and extending it to me. I straighten to my full height and plaster on my patented “everything is fine’’ smile. I take his hand, giving it a firm shake.
“Great to meet you as well.” I don’t say “finally” since I found out he existed three hours ago.
“I’ve heard so much about you,” he continues earnestly. He looks nervous. Something tells me the beads of perspiration that shine on his forehead aren’t just from the Florida heat.
“I wish I could say the same,” I say with a laugh, and don’t miss my mother narrowing her eyes at me. Message received. “Tell me about yourself, Daniel.”
“Well, I’m the Chief Operating Officer for the Panthers. I oversee the Arena Operations, Food & Beverage Services, Retail Merchandise–you name it.” He trails off and my mother slips her hand in his again reassuringly. I feel a prickle of annoyance at his cool sounding job. He looks more like a used car salesman.
“Sounds like a big job.”
“It can be, for sure. I’ve been with the organization for more than twenty years and have worked my way up.” He glances at my mother who beams back at him with pride. “ I can get you tickets anytime you want, although your mom says you’re more of a baseball fan. I’m a diehard Rays fan myself, even though they’re playing terribly this year,” he trails off again.
“You said it,” I agree, already backing away from them. I can’t do this right now. Suddenly I feel like there are too many people in the room and there isn’t enough oxygen to go around. “I’m going to go grab a drink, can I get either of you anything?”
They both say no and I tell them I’ll be right back before making my way to the bar. The buffet has just opened and dozens of people are already lined up. Lucky for me, this leaves the bar mostly empty. At the bar, I charm the server into pouring me a mixed drink that is 90% vodka with a splash of soda. I thank her profusely and put two crisp hundred dollar bills in the tip jar.
Drink in hand, I find the nearest Exit sign and wind up in the back parking lot. I sit on the steps and breathe in the warm night air. The air smells of stale smoke. Cigarette butts litter the pavement and I’m guessing this is where employees come for their smoke breaks. It doesn’t bother me at all. It’s better than suffocating to death slowly in that hall. I down half the contents of my glass in one drink and wish I’d gotten two.
I try to calm the storm of feelings inside of me. My mother is a grown woman who can do what she wants.He’s not Steven, I tell myself.He’s not Steven. Daniel seems like a nice guy and Mom seems to like him. She’s right; she’s still got a long life ahead of her and I don’t want her to be lonely. She seems really happy and he seems to adore her.
But so had Steven.
The miserableness of that man is still haunting me to this day. Does she not remember what he put her through? What he put us through? I can’t believe she’s voluntarily signing up for this shit again.
“There you are.” My mother materializes behind me.
Busted.
I turn around to look at her. Her face is equal parts concerned and frustrated. I feel like I’m a teenager that’s been caught with a beer instead of a twenty-eight-year-old man legally drinking alone.
“Hi, Mom,” I say, turning away from her. “Just getting some air. I’ll be in soon.” I try to make my tone light and my body language casual.
“Everyone is sitting down for dinner, sweetheart.”
“I’m not hungry. Still working through Gram’s pancakes. I’ll be in before the speeches start.”
“I had hoped you’d sit with Daniel and I.”
“Sure thing.”
“I really care about him, honey.” She moves from where she’s been hovering in the doorway to sit next to me on the step. I wish she’d go back inside.
“That’s good, Mom.”
“We’re moving in together.”
My blood goes from cold to full boil in a matter of seconds. I feel so many things at once it makes me light-headed. I take a deep breath and then down the rest of my drink, hoping the alcohol will calm my nerves. It doesn’t.
“Are you fucking kidding me?” I spit the words from my mouth and her eyes widen in shock. “Moving in together? You don’t even know the asshole.” I stand up, physically unable to sit next to her any longer.
“I understand that it must come as a surprise since you’ve just met him,” Mom says, her voice higher than usual. She stands and moves towards me, crossing her arms in front of her. “But I do know Daniel and he’s not an asshole.”
“Oh, like Steven wasn’t an asshole?” She goes from angry to hurt in a fragment of a second. I watch the color drain from her face at the mention of his name. We don’t talk about Steven and haven’t since we buried him. My mother looks at me like I’ve just broken an unspoken rule.
“This has nothing to do–”
