Page 61 of Raise The Bar
“Weren’t you afraid you’d end up in a marriage like your parents?”
“Sure. But I was more afraid of missing out on the adventure that was, and still is, your grandmother,” he grins fondly at me. “Life is about choices, Callum. Sometimes what we choose doesn’t pan out the way we wanted. Steven chose to be angry about what he didn’t have instead of being grateful for what he did. Maybe your mom and Daniel will crash and burn, or maybe they’ll spend the rest of their lives making one another happy. But she’s choosing to take another chance, and I, for one, am very proud of her. And I think you should be too.”
I’ve been so sure that my mom was being reckless, I’d never once thought that maybe she was being brave.
“There’s a girl back in Boston.” I remove my ball cap and run my hands through my hair. The sudden need to tell the man who raised me about Maggie takes over, but for once my words fail me. Words can’t do her justice. It’s like trying to describe the sun to someone who’s never seen its brilliance or felt its warmth. “She’s incredible. I’ve never felt this way about anyone and I’m terrified.” I swallow hard, staring down at my hands. “What if it doesn’t work out?”
“What if it does?” He looks at me and for the first time I notice how deep the creases in his face have gotten. “Son, I know you want a guarantee, but life and love just don’t offer them. If you choose to go for it, you might end up regretting it. But if you don’t, you definitely will and I don’t want you to find yourself an old man someday, still wondering what could have happened if you tried.”
He’s right. What I feel for Maggie will never go away. It will follow me wherever I go for the rest of my days, taunting me and my cowardice. “I think I really fucked things up with her.”
He’s thoughtful for a moment, then shrugs. “Unfuck them up.” I gape at him. I am stunned, not only by his blunt reply, but also because that is the first time I’ve heard my grandfather use any variation of the word “fuck.”
“How do I do that?”
“Start by being honest with her. See where it leads you. Don’t count yourself out until you try.”
The energy around us changes and I turn my attention back to the game. It’s the bottom of the ninth and we’re still down by two, but the bases are loaded and Yandy Diaz is walking up to the plate. My grandfather and I stand along with the rest of the crowd. Gramps takes a bit longer to get on his feet, and I offer him my arm for support.
The first pitch is high and he doesn’t swing, but the second two are right over the plate. The nervous murmurs from the fans echo through the stadium. Diaz takes his stance at the plate and I hold my breath. The pitch is thrown and I feel the crack of the bat on the ball in my chest. We watch the trajectory of the ball, and when it’s clear it’s a homerun the cheers are deafening. Beers are tossed, hats are thrown in the air, people hug and high-five as Diaz rounds the bases. His teammates rush out to welcome him home. The Rays win on a walk off.
My grandfather claps me heartily on the back. “You see?” he yells over the noise of the crowd. He grins at me and continues to clap. “The game’s not over until the final out.”
I gather the man that raised me in for a bear hug. When I release him, I grab my phone from my pocket. I’ve got a flight to book.
Chapter 34
Maggie
Iwake with a start, immediately aware I’m not alone. My eyes dart to the other side of the bed where my sister is still sleeping soundly. When I remember where I am, I relax back onto my pillow.
Today is the day. Junebug is getting married.
I let myself watch her for a minute before I get up. I can’t believe that the little girl who used to crawl into my bed every time she thought a monster was underneath hers is going to be someone’s wife. I glance down at my bare legs and laugh. She still hogs all the blankets. Some things never change.
The rehearsal was held last night at the wedding venue, the Boston Harbor Hotel. Everything went according to plan and everyone involved had dinner after at the hotel. The wedding party was in attendance, as well as Colin’s parents, my dad, and Valerie.
We all had separate rooms booked, but June dragged me into hers at the end of the night and we snuggled up and watchedGilmore Girlson Netflix.
Before climbing out of bed, I grab my phone on the nightside table and take a quick picture of June, getting close enough so you can see the pool of drool she’s left on the pillow. I will save this for future blackmail purposes.
It’s almost seven-thirty and I can’t let Snoring Beauty sleep for much longer. I decide to slip out and grab her a coffee to at least soften the blow of being woken up. I throw on joggers and a sweater and let myself out of the suite quietly. When I reach the lobby, I find the hotel already in full swing with people checking out, likely to make early flights. I get in line for the coffee shop that is located just off of the front desk. Inhaling deeply I take in the scent of freshly brewed java, excited to get my hands on some.
It’s been a rough week. A challenging week, with many ups and downs, but I got through it.
The flowers from Mark were barely a blip on my radar. Once I tossed them, vase and all, without ceremony into the dumpster outside, I felt lighter, more in control than I had in days. It felt good to take out the trash.
Following my sister’s advice, I tried not avoiding my feelings at all cost for once. When I found myself feeling particularly heartbroken or anxious, I let myself feel it. I leaned into the sadness instead of running away. Were there tears? So many tears. Was I as productive as I normally would have been? Definitely not. Did I survive? You bet your ass I did.
Yes, it was hard to make myself experience the hurt and embarrassment over and over again. Yes, there were times I wanted toEternal Sunshine Of The Spotless MindCallum from my core memories. But I got through it. And with patience and care, I know I will put myself back together.
I’m not okay. But I will be.
I grab the coffees and a couple of croissants and take the elevator back up to the sixth floor. I’ve got nervous energy to spare for the day to come and I’m ready to get started.
Letting myself back into the room, I tip-toe around the bed and set one coffee down on the nightstand. Being extra quiet, I crawl back into the oversized bed where my sister still sleeps soundly. An absolute dead-to-the-world sleeper since childhood, folks.
“Junebug…June…” She stirs but doesn’t open her eyes. I clear my throat. “Dum dum da dum, dum dum do dum,” I sing to the tune of Wedding March and her eyes snap open. She sits up in bed with a start.
