Page 32 of Unhinged Cravings
I threw my head back and laughed, something I hadn’t done in so long it felt good.
“So, do you really use Jill for booty calls?”
Brows raising, I said, “Booty calls? Does anyone say that anymore?”
“Do you?” She laced the question with something akin to a need for me to say no.
I rested my elbows on the table. “No. I do not. I have never slept with Jill and yes, you clearly know my type.”
Her smile dropped before returning, this time not reaching her eyes.
“At least, that’s what I thought my type was.” I swirled the alcohol in my glass, watching as it rose to the edge to escape. “I think I was wrong all these years.”
“Really?”
“Why do you pick up strangers and sleep with them, Ava?” I could turn the conversation just as quickly as she could.
An inhale, sharp and deep. “I told you. I don’t want attachment. Men are too needy.”
“Do you think you wanted nothing more because it scared you?”
“No,” she snapped.
“What kind of men do you like, wildcat?” I raised my eyes to see her, my reward a gorgeous crimson that rose in her cheeks.
“The kind I don’t have to take home,” she murmured. “Who take what I give them and leave.”
“Who won’t hurt you?” I was digging now, looking for a reason behind her nightmares. If it was a man who had cursed her with them. Who had hurt her.
Her brow quirked. “Isn’t that why you do the same thing, Emerson?” Fuck. I didn’t know how she saw through me like that. My teeth chomped down, straining the muscles in my face. Ava inched closer to me. “Maybe we’re just two people who never knew what we wanted and always avoided telling ourselves we needed something different. So we didn’t look and took what we could from people who wouldn’t fill that need because admittingit was missing in the first place would make us vulnerable. And fuck if either of us ever wanted to be that way again.”
I reeled back before I could catch myself. She had summarized all I’d just come to see in a few sentences. And she had admitted something that still didn’t tell me about the trauma in her past, but confirmed it was there.
If I believed in the sort of thing that happened in romance movies, the instant love, the moment where the world came into clarity and there stood the woman who had brought me that clarity, I would have pinned that as the moment I fell in love with Ava Shelton. But I didn’t believe in those things.
Clearing my throat, I said, “Jill married one of my men, Bobbie, right after she graduated. I warned him not to, but he didn’t listen. Most of my men know getting involved with a woman is dangerous. This isn’t the life to bring a woman and children into.” If the abrupt change of subject back to our original discussion bothered her, she didn’t show any reaction. “I took her on as my housekeeper when she couldn’t find work and eventually added more responsibilities. It kept her safe and Bobbie happy. Bobby was shot on a job. Took a bullet to the heart and died instantly.” She winced, her hand shaking as she lowered her wine glass. “I kept Jill on, paid for her house, her car, all her bills. Paid the tuition for their son. I did what I could once I hunted down his killer and let him bleed for days until I couldn’t stand his whining anymore and gutted him.”
Her skin paled.
“I’m not the good guy, Ava. I take care of my people…” Even if some stabbed me in the back. My mood shifted further. “…but I’m still a killer and a criminal. Don’t forget that just because I can have a civil conversation and a drink with you.”
“Morally gray.”
“What?”
A smile formed. “You’re what they call morally gray in the books Riley and I read.”
“And what books are those?”
A beautiful flick of her fingers sent a crumb cascading through the air. “Mafia romances, bully romances, the really dark stuff.”
“Good God. She married my brother and reads mafia romance books?”
“I guess she knew what she liked. A morally gray man who would burn the world down for his woman.”
“Is that what you want?” I asked, leaning closer to her.
“If you mean a man who will avenge anyone who hurts me, who holds me through my nightmares, who makes sure I have hot coffee when I wake up late? Then yes.”
