Page 59 of Only if You Catch Me
“Don’t apologize. I’m the one that’s sorry, baby. I just keep fucking up. I should have been pulling out. I’m selfish as fuck. The thought of you doing this alone is pissing me the fuck off.”
“I won’t be alone,” she grabbed my hand and reassured me. “I have my sister and my friends. I’ll have your mom and sister.”
Yeah, she would, but none of them were as good as me, and I stood on that. I’d miss every doctor’s appointment, the birth, his or her milestones. All because I couldn’t pull out of the pussy. I was beyond frustrated with myself but didn’t want Persia tothink I wasn’t happy about her being pregnant. My entire mood was blown. I’d be worrying about her even more than I already was. Toya lost our babies. Doll’s pregnancy never grew into a viable one. Now that I was locked up, I was willing to bet money that Persia would carry my baby with no issues. Because life liked to throw curveballs like that. Funky ass bastard. I pulled at the collar of my shirt because it felt like it was choking me.Focus, nigga. You can’t do this shit in here.
Persia squeezed my hand. “It’s going to be okay.”
The strength that she was exhibiting was mind blowing. I expected her to be a mess, but my shorty was standing tall. She didn’t have to be strong for me, but I’d rather see her like this than to be inconsolable. I was the man. It was my job to comfort her, but she was comforting me.
“I’m sorry.” That was all I knew to say.
“You have nothing to be sorry for and if you apologize one more time, I might bop you upside the head,” she smiled. “I was content with life before. I wasn’t madly in love. For some reason, was hesitant to have kids with David. Life was far from perfect or ideal, but I was happy. Now, I can see that I was settling. Life got better. Way better. And even if better only lasted a little while, I wouldn’t trade meeting you for anything in the world. Shit happens, right?”
“How did I get so lucky?” I peered into her eyes and was dead serious.
Persia had pretty much altered the way I viewed life. Despite the circumstances, I had to thank God that none of the other pregnancies worked out. It was very possible to raise a child in a co-parenting relationship and have everything work out. But conceiving a child out of love and being there with the mother, was ten times better. Even though I couldn’t actually be there.
“You were a relentless asshole that went after another man’s wife.”
“And I’d do it again.”
Persia smiled. Her smile warmed my heart. I wasn’t sure how, but I had to make this right. Ratting wasn’t an option. Even if I had to do some dumb ass time, I’d never make her regret giving me a chance or holding me down. There were women that ran out on a nigga as soon as the judge banged the gavel. I couldn’t even say they were wrong. Expecting someone to do that time with you was a lil’ unrealistic and selfish. But if the woman insisted, what could a nigga do? I wasn’t going to turn her away. Not when I needed her. Never been weak a day in my life, but the only way this bid wouldn’t eat me alive was if Persia didn’t turn her back on me. Even if she found another man later in life, it would kill me. But as long as she still let me see that smile or hear that angelic voice every now and then, I’d have a reason to keep pushing.
If she did end up with someone else before my bid was over, he better be a damn good man. Because as soon as those gates opened, I was coming for her, and the only way I would let up was if she refused to come with me. We took a picture together then talked nonstop until visitation was over. When I stood to hug her, I saw the pain in her eyes, and I felt like a piece of shit. I couldn’t even console her the way I wanted to. This shit was fucked up. And though it was nobody’s fault but mine that I chose to break the law, each time I saw Persia sad or saw her cry, I wanted to kill Ray Ray and Ryder with my bare hands.
CHAPTER 25
PERSIA
I bounceddown Kastain’s stairs and opened the door for his sister. “Hiiii,” I greeted her with a smile and a hug. From the day I met his mother and sister, they treated me like they’d known me forever.
I went to Kastian’s home at least twice a week and spent the night. It was a little intimidating being in such a large house alone, but he lived in a gated community, and he had a top-of-the-line security system. His sheets and his clothes still smelled like him. Sleeping in his bed comforted me so much. Thank God I hadn’t had any morning sickness, but my energy was nonexistent. No matter how much I slept, it never felt like enough. Snuggling up in Kastian’s bed was my favorite thing to do. I had two more months before my lease was up, and I was seriously considering letting my place go and moving into Kastian’s house. I knew he wouldn’t mind. For some reason, I was kind of nervous to make that kind of move though.
I talked to Kastian every day three or four times a day. I made the promise to myself to send him a letter or a card at least once a week. He had money and respect. Getting a cellphone in would have been easy for him, but he didn’t want to risk it. Cellphones were contraband, and he didn’t need anything getting him intomore trouble than he was already in. Kastian’s sister, told me she wanted to stop by real quick and give me something. I had no clue what it was.
“Hey. I’m pressed for time, so I left the car running. If I didn’t make it by here today to give you this, Kastian was going to blow a gasket.” Reaching inside her purse, she pulled out a small black gift bag and passed it to me.
“Oh,” I looked down at the bag. “I don’t know why I expected a key, a document, something other than a gift.”
“You know how Kastian is, and if you don’t, you’ll soon learn.”
With trembling hands, I removed the small box from the bag. When I lifted the top, a gasp that I didn’t even mean to push out escaped. “Oh my gosh, this is beautiful. Why did he do this?” I looked to her for answers.
“Like I said, you know Kastian. He liked your ring idea, but you’re his girl. Walking around in anything less than a real diamond is ludicrous,” she joked.
All I could do was stare at the square rock with my mouth slightly agape. The ring was absolutely stunning.
“I’ll see you later, boo. I’m glad you like it.”
“Okay. Thank you for bringing it by.” We hugged again, and she left.
I stared at the ring as I walked over to the couch. Even after flopping down on the couch, I couldn’t stop admiring the piece of jewelry. Kastian didn’t even know how much time he was facing yet, and he was still spoiling me. Of course, he’d never go broke because all of the money his businesses made went into his accounts and were handled by his accountant. Despite him making money, I planned to put money on his books out of my own pocket. Kastian had done way too much for me, for me to not look out for him.
The only thing that tore my gaze away from the ring was the sound of my phone. When I saw that Kastian was calling, I didn’t hesitate to answer. “Kastian, it’s beautiful, but whhyyyyy? You have done more than enough for me. Even if you wanted my diamond to be real you could have gotten something much smaller.” The ring that I slid onto my finger had to cost at least fifteen grand if not more.
“I have paintings that cost more than $35,000. It’s nothing.”
I choked on my own saliva. Like choked for real to the point of having to beat my chest with the palm of my hand.
