Page 43 of Only if You Catch Me
Thanks to Kastian knocking some sense into David, he signed the papers, and our divorce had been signed off on by the judge. I had just celebrated my freedom and felt like I was getting into a regular routine. No matter how badly David had messed up, leaving him still thrust me into a whirlwind of change. I was finally feeling some sense of normalcy.
I had just got settled in the car when Tesha called me. I needed a distraction, so I didn’t hesitate to answer. From the moment I heard her voice I knew something was wrong.
“You back yet?”
“I’m on my way to the airport. What’s wrong?”
“I don’t want you to talk around Kastian. Just call me when you get home.”
“He’s actually not with me. He got mad and said he’s staying in Miami an extra day.”
“That makes two of us that are in the doghouse because Qua is pissed with me too. I messed up real bad. I’m so stupid.”
My lids closed. “What did you do?”
“He wants to be exclusive. And I do too. But stupid, silly, dumb me, I just felt the need to come clean. Even without a title, we were pretty much only dealing with each other. I confessed to him that a month ago, I had sex with Ryder, and he didn’t take it well. I am so stupid.”
I almost agreed with her, but I didn’t want to sound like I was judging. “Do you still love Ryder?”
“Hell no, which makes what I did even more stupid. Because I slept with him Qua thinks I’m not over him, and he refuses to compete with Ryder. I don’t want to be with him, and I put that on everything. It was one drunk ass mistake that I started regretting as soon as it was over.”
“Hopefully, Qua will come around. You guys weren’t official, so technically, you didn’t cheat on him. Just give him some time to process things, and he’ll be back.” I hoped what I was saying was true.
I didn’t know Tesha when she was with Ryder, but I’d been a witness to how happy Qua made her. If she was sure she didn’t want to be with Ryder anymore, she needed to cut him all the way off and focus on moving on. Her situation was a perfect example of why I didn’t want to rush into something with Kastian. There wasn’t a chance in hell that I’d sleep with David again, but I didn’t want to move too fast and end up regretting it. Since leaving David, I had gotten a chance to reconnect with myself. I enjoyed living alone after years of living with someone.
Even if I got into another relationship, I’d want us to be together for a year or more before we moved in together.
“I hope so,” Tesha sighed. “What has Kastian’s boxers in a bunch?”
“I’m taking too long to commit.”
“What?!” she screeched. “Never in my life did I think I’d hear anyone say that. Kastian wants a girlfriend? Girl, what you done did to that man?”
“I have no clue. I like him. I really do. But I don’t understand why he thinks seven months is enough time for me to be completely sure about moving on. I don’t want to be with David, but I also don’t want to rush into something before I’m ready.”
“Use me as an example. Take all the time you need. I’m not even in a relationship with Qua, but we were rocking with each other so hard that he still looks at me having sex with Ryder as betrayal. And I can’t even blame him. He treats me amazing, and I went behind his back and fucked someone that couldn’t keep it in his pants when we were together.”
Tesha was beating herself up terribly. I could get her being afraid that he would cut her off. I hoped he’d change his mind because I liked them together. We talked until I reached the airport. I was a little sad as I made my way to the gate. What was I supposed to do when I didn’t feel like I’d done anything wrong? All I could do was wait for Kastian to come around. If he came around at all.
The next day after work I went to a Pilates class then I went home, showered, and climbed into bed. I wasn’t even hungry. The fact that I’d been down since I left Miami was crazy. I was hurt when David did what he did. Angry was also an emotion that I felt quite a bit of, but I was never sad. Not once did I miss him or want to cry because we weren’t speaking to one another. Even before our disagreement I could acknowledge that I felt things for Kastian that I’d never felt for David, and I was married to the man.
There was no point in me trying to talk to Kastian. If I wasn’t ready to give him what he wanted, what would be the need to profess my feelings for him? I just needed him to wait a little while longer, but if he couldn’t do that, I would have to accept it. Absentmindedly, I scrolled social media only half paying attention to what I was looking at. Until I came across a familiar face. It was weird to me how sometimes people you knew butdidn’t follow would pop up in your feed on social media. I didn’t know the person that posted the video, but whoever it was had attended a gender reveal. And the lovely parents of the bundle of joy was none other than David and some black and Hispanic looking chick.
Chuckling, I stared at the picture. He was finally going to have the baby that he wanted. I didn’t want to have children with him, so why I felt a sense of sadness while looking at the picture was beyond me. Maybe it was because David and I parted ways and even though he was an asshole, he got to move on, be happy, and get all the things he wanted. Me on the other hand was about to miss out on a great man because what? I had PTSD? I was afraid of being hurt and wasting time.
I had just placed my phone on the bed beside me and tried to focus on a movie to watch when my phone rang. The disappointment I felt when I looked at the screen and saw it wasn’t Kastian that was calling had me disgusted with myself. I really didn’t feel like talking to Omar, but he didn’t seem to be getting the hint, so it looked like I would have to talk to him.
“Hey.”
“Damn, I was starting to think you were mad at me or something. I’ve been calling you for two days.”
“I was actually in Miami, and I’ve been very busy. I was meaning to get back to you.”
“Miami? Nice. You went on a girl’s trip or something?”
I didn’t want to lie, but I didn’t feel like telling the truth either. Omar and I had never even had sex, but I couldn’t imagine he’d like hearing that I was in Miami with another man. “A friend’s birthday.”
“That’s what’s up. You sound tired. I was calling to see if you wanted to go grab a bite to eat.”
