Page 30 of Only if You Catch Me
I didn’t hear a word she said because at that moment, Persia sauntered into the room wearing a red dress that looked as ifit had been painted on. My manhood bricked almost instantly. I didn’t even try to hide the fact that I was captivated by her. In fact, Morgan had been quiet for quite a few seconds before I realized she wasn’t talking. When I planted my gaze back on her, there was a forced smile on her face and a hint of jealousy in her eyes.
“I’ll let you get going. It was nice talking to you.”
One of my realtors, a guy by the name of Tony, stopped Persia and was conversing with her. Call me a hater or a cock blocker, but I was going over to interrupt them. At least that was the plan before a guy named Josh came over to talk to me. With each passing minute, more people trickled into the room. The spacious room began to feel so crowded that I felt as if I was suffocating. The collar of my shirt felt too tight around my neck, and I was uncomfortably hot.
I was dead in the middle of a room of professionals. I damn sure wasn’t worried about anything popping off, so I had no clue what triggered my anxiety. Maybe it was because every ten minutes someone was calling my name, and I was overwhelmed and overstimulated. Being a realtor was nothing like being a drug dealer, but I still didn’t want to be perceived as weak. Having a panic attack in the midst of at least one hundred people wouldn’t be happening. I wasn’t sure what it was about panic attacks that locked my jaws up, but I literally didn’t have the strength to open my mouth to excuse myself.
I pulled at the collar of my shirt as I walked. The shit felt as if it was choking me. Walking out into the hallway, I leaned against the wall and tried to calm the racing of my heart. I wanted to go outside and get some fresh air, but it didn’t feel like I’d make it. Out of all places for my anxiety to act up, I was annoyed that it chose that moment. Clenching my fists together, internally, I willed myself to calm down. I just needed to get right enough that I could make it out to my car and drive home. Frustrationhad me ready to punch a hole in the wall because I couldn’t grasp why my hands were sweating and my heart was racing. It felt as if an elephant was standing on my chest.
I couldn’t take it any longer and unbuttoned the top two buttons of my shirt.
“Kastian, you okay?” Persia approached me with dipped brows and eyes filled with concern.
I couldn’t answer her. My jaw muscles flexed as I gritted my molars. Hesitantly, she inched closer to me. “You want to step outside for some fresh air?” her tone was soothing. A nigga needed that. My nostrils flared. Another indicator of my frustration. My legs felt like lead. My heart wouldn’t slow down. It was pissing me off.
“Is it okay if I grab your hand? Let’s walk outside. I think some fresh air might help.”
My chest heaved up and down as Persia gently took my hand. She led, and I followed. People walked past and greeted us, and all I could do was nod. Barely. The moment the cool, crisp evening air hit my face my heart rate began to slow down. Relief washed over me as I placed my back against the building.
“I’m going to go get you a bottle of water.”
All I could do was stare at Persia. She probably thought I was crazy as hell. Either she was familiar with panic attacks, or she just knew how to soothe a nigga because she got me much calmer than I would have been able to do on my own. It had been more than four months since I had a panic attack. I hated them with a passion. What I hated the most was how unpredictable and random they were. I could be in a whole shootout and not have a panic attack but being in a controlled setting with professional men and women had me spiraling. The shit made me feel weak. Persia came back with a bottle of water and passed it to me.
I chugged down half the bottle. “Thank you.” With a shake of my head, I peered into her eyes. “You probably think I’m weird as fuck.”
Persia eyed me with a frown. “Why would I think you were weird? That was a panic attack?”
“Yeah.”
“Okayyyy,” she stated slowly. “Anxiety is common, and it’s not weird. Please.” She waved my comment off. “I’m glad you’re better.”
“Yeah, I’m about to be out. I don’t even have the mental energy to go back in there and smile and converse.”
“You good to drive?”
“Yeah, I can drive. Thank you.”
“Okay. Call me when you get home and let me know you made it safely.”
It was insane how I went from panic attack to aroused that fast. “Why don’t you come check on me yourself when you leave here?”
Persia chuckled. “I don’t have a problem with that, but are you going to be up for company?”
“For sure.”
“Okay. I’ll text you when I’m on the way.”
Once I was on the road, I pushed out a deep sigh. I was glad that episode was over, and I prayed it would be months before I had another. I hated having anxiety. Not knowing what all my triggers were was annoying. Or maybe I did know and triggers like being in crowded spaces were irritating. I was a grown ass man and being in a room full of people had me not able to breathe and shit. I wasn’t upping the dosage of my Xanax, so I would just have to deal with the occasional melt down. At least I didn’t have them every day.
I showered before the gala, but a long hot shower when I got home was a must. I didn’t trust weed not to start my symptomsback up, so I settled for my medication versus that or alcohol. Dressed in basketball shorts and a white tank top, I sat in my recliner and attempted to watch television. Focusing was hard though. I wasn’t sure if I was embarrassed, frustrated, annoyed, or a combination of all three. There were worse things I could have besides anxiety, but when I was in the midst of an attack it was crippling.
It didn’t take long for the medication to take effect. I was relaxed. As soon as I began focusing on the TV my doorbell rang. Knowing who it was already, I went to the door and opened it without checking first. Sure enough, pretty ass Persia was standing on the other side of the door. When our gazes connected, she smiled.
“You look a lot better.”
“I feel better.” Pulling Persia into my arms, I held her waist as I peered into her eyes.
I had women cater to me for sure because they knew I was a great catch, and they were trying to secure some kind of spot in my life. But I was confident that Persia took care of me simply because that’s who she was.
