Page 21 of Only if You Catch Me
“Nah, I can’t make that man a fuck nigga. He did that all on his own. Don’t blame it on me.”
“I didn’t fall. I mean, I liked him. He was charming, and he treated me well, but he wasn’t my soulmate. I was never madly in love with him. He was a provider, and he wanted to marry me while a lot of these men just wanted to have sex. I felt I’d be playing myself to pass him up.”
Kastian pushed out a chortle. “You played yourself marrying that cornball. It’s all good though. We all make mistakes.”
“I should have been like you? Never been in a relationship at my big ass age?” I rolled my eyes.
“You and Tesha have been talking about me I see. I’m not even mad. I’m flattered you asked about me.”
“How do you figure I asked about you?” I frowned.
“You didn’t?”
“No,” I lied and didn’t sound convincing at all.
Kastian chuckled. “Yeah aight.” Pausing he hit the blunt again. He took his time exhaling, but I didn’t mind because it gave me a reason to just look at him. Kastian was a pure work of art. “I just never saw the need to be in one. It wasn’t for me back then. I never met a woman and fell madly in love with her to the point that I didn’t want another man to come snatch her up.”
“Is that because you’re a robot that doesn’t have feelings, or is it because the women you meet are trash?”
Kastian’s head fell back as he released hearty laughter. “Maybe it is me.” He shrugged passively as if that reasoning didn’t bother him in the least.
“You want to be that guy that never got married or had kids? Oh wait, do you have kids?”
“Not yet. I want them though. I’m trying to have my first one in the next year, but that’s not working out so well.”
My brows shot up. I was all the way interested in what he was about to say.
“I’m getting older. I want children, but if I wait to fall in love, I might not get those kids. So, I’ve been trying to find a woman to have my child. One that I don’t have to be in a relationship with. She wants kids, I do too, and then we co-parent, and I take care of her financially.”
I had no clue how to respond to that, so I didn’t. All I could do was stare. Kastian chuckled and turned to lock eyes with me.
“You think that’s weird?”
“I mean, it’s intentional. You know what you want. It’s not like you’re out here sleeping with a bunch of women unprotectedand just making babies everywhere. At least you have a selection process.”
“I guess. It’s turning out to be more stressful than it should be.” Kastian gave his attention back to the large body of water we were cruising on. “There’s this woman that I chose. Her father wants us to get married, but that nigga was pushing it. He was always trying to push his daughter on me. We got to know one another, and she told me she wanted to have my baby. So, I got her pregnant.”
A lump formed in my throat, and I didn’t even possess the strength to push it down. The thought of a woman carrying Kastian’s child made my chest tight. Which was absolutely absurd, but jealousy was inching through my veins.
“She had a miscarriage. Three miscarriages in two years. This last one, she was four months. That shit was killing her. Every loss she took it took a piece of her with it. I told her she needed to heal and wait a while before she tried to get pregnant again. She doesn’t care about her mind or body. I think she wants to give me a child more than she wants one for herself and that’s crazy to me. I just can’t figure out if that’s what love is, or if that’s what greed is. I don’t know if it’s me or the money.”
“Maybe it’s you.” My voice was low. Just above a whisper.
Turning to face me, Kastian sighed. “Maybe it is, but I’m sure she hates me now. I can’t get her pregnant again. I don’t want that on my conscious. But now, she looks at it as me discarding her because she can’t give me a kid. I mean, I guess in a way it’s true, but I want a kid. She can’t give me one right now. Am I supposed to bend on what I want?”
“I guess not. It does seem a little cruel, but she signed herself up to be an incubator. I couldn’t imagine suffering three miscarriages. She definitely needs to heal.”
“Why didn’t you ever give cornball kids?”
I smiled even though I shouldn’t have. David had indeed proven himself to be a cornball and still every time Kastian referred to him as one I wanted to curse him out a little bit. “First of all, I’m notgivinga man a child. I also didn’t want to get pregnant the moment I got married. A child is a big deal. I wanted to be ready, and I wanted David out of the streets. That time never came.”
The silence resumed. We were both lost in our own thoughts. I hated the way I was hyper focused on the fact that Kastian was out there slinging raw dick trying to put his seed in another woman’s womb. I kept trying to think of things to say. Questions to ask, but the words kept getting tangled in my throat. As nervous as I’d been, I was surprisingly comfortable in Kastian’s presence.
“Let’s go inside.”
I didn’t realize how deep in thought I was until Kastian spoke. He stood, walked around the lounge chair, came over to me, and extended his hand for me to grab. When I stood, he didn’t immediately let my hand go. As he held onto it, he peered into my eyes, and my coochie contracted. It had barely been a full hour, and I was already spiraling. I couldn’t even think of anything smart to say as we gazed at one another. Finally, he released my hand, and I followed him into the lower level of the yacht.
There was an entire sitting room, bar, and kitchen area. The soft sounds of Keith Sweat filled the space, and I looked around in amazement. The yacht was literally a house on water. Kastian walked into the kitchen area and opened the fridge. I wasn’t sure what to do, so I sat on one of the barstools and drank my water while he took the lid off a container that contained an assortment of fruit. After picking out a strawberry, his gaze lifted.
