Page 6 of Off Camera
“You do?” she asks.
“Yeah. I used to be the guy who was always in a long-term relationship while my buddies avoided commitment and fucked around. I was even engaged once upon a time. Somehow, in a weird twist of fate, my two best friends are locked down in serious partnerships with women they adore, and I’m the one who is single. I thought I’d be the first one to get hitched. Had my vows written and everything. Now I’m not sure it’ll ever happen.”
“I don’t know about marriage, but it would be nice to find someone to have a decent conversation with. Like this.” Not Claire gestures between us. “This is tolerable.”
“Every man loves to hear he’s tolerable.”
She nudges my side and gives me a pretty smile. “You know what I mean. Why couldn’t you have been on the other end of the dating app?”
“I don’t do dating apps.”
“You don’t?”
“I like to keep my private life private.”
“Doyouwork for the CIA?” she asks.
“No, but I did almost hack into their database when I was a teenager,” I say. “How about I tell you one of my bad date stories to make you feel better?”
“I’m offended it took you so long to offer,” Not Claire says.
“I was getting back into dating after a breakup, and I had been seeing this girl for a couple weeks. She invited me to her place, and when we got upstairs, she excused herself to the bathroom to freshen up. She told me she started her period and needed tampons, so I said I’d grab her a box from the drugstore down the street.” I swirl my drink around in my glass, reminiscing. “So I get there, pay for the tampons, and head back to her apartment. When I walked inside, she was making out with a very naked guy on the couch. At first, I thought it might be a threesome thing, but then I found out that in the fifteen minutes I was gone, her ex-boyfriend had shown up from out of town, begged her to take him back, and ended up bare-assed where I had been sitting minutes before.”
“Oh my god.” Her eyes widen. “You went out and bought tampons for her and she repaid you by straddling her ex-boyfriend? What did you do?”
“I stood there while she explained what was going on, said, ‘I got you regular and super plus.’ Then I left. I think they ended up getting married.”
“At least someone had a happily ever after. What did you do with the tampons?”
“I put them under the sink at my apartment in case anyone ever needs one. Haven’t dated since.” I chuckle and take a much-needed sip of alcohol. “Do you feel better?”
“Yes,” she says. “Between commiserating over bad dating history, the drink and the cheesecake, I feel like a new woman.” She cuts off a bite of dessert and holds the fork out to me. “Do you want some?”
“I’m actually allergic,” I say.
Her mouth pops open. “Shit.Shit. I’m so sorry. Is it airborne? Through ingestion? Why didn’t you say something? I would’ve?—”
Before I can think about what I’m doing or why I’m doing it, I lean forward and close my lips around the fork. She makes a soft sound when I lick away the crumbs, and I wonder how I could get her to make it again.
“I’m kidding,” I say. “It’s delicious.”
“You can have more if you want.”
“Only if you?—”
A cheer echoes through the bar, interrupting us. I turn my head to the door where a group of women are stumbling through. They’re wearing tiaras, sashes, and bright pink dresses. It looks like a bachelorette party, and their high-pitched screams make me wince.
“Did it just get really loud in here?” Not Claire yells, and I nod.
“Yeah.” I bend over and wrap a hand around the leg of her stool, dragging her closer to me. “There. Now I’ll be able to hear you.”
Her thigh presses into mine, and her fingers brush across my knee as she gets settled in her seat. I get a whiff of her perfume when she leans forward. It smells like the rainstorm we had two nights ago, with a hint of honey and pretty white flowers.
Hyacinths, maybe.
I like it.
“Too close?” I ask.
