Page 48 of Camera Chemistry
“But did he push you out?”
I’m unable to formulate a response.No, I think,he didn’t. He practically offered to keep me there forever, if I wanted. And,god, I wanted to say yes. In hindsight, if I had known I would be shrouded in loneliness since I left, I would’ve stayed. I would have spent another night with him, then another, and another, piling up until four years had passed in the blink of an eye.
“Maybe it’s supposed to be this way. Maybe the universe gave him to me as an offering, so I could realize I can be with someone again. Aiden said he doesn’t want a relationship, and I doubt he’s sitting around thinking about me.”
“God, I want to shake you. Mags, you’re the smartest person I’ve ever met. Did it ever occur to you that maybe he was telling you what you wanted to hear? He said the things that would make you agree, even if he didn’t care to go along with them himself?”
I pause and consider this angle. “If that’s the case, wouldn’t he have reached out to me by now?”
“No, because that’s not what you want. Allegedly.”
“So he’s a liar.”
“He’s a man who listens,” Lacey corrects me. “We read books all the time about men who run after women they love, but we also read about men who let the woman dictate how the story ends. Wouldn’t you rather hold the power to write your own conclusion, however you see fit, instead of having pressure from someone else to decide on their behalf?”
She’s right.
I want to be wanted, but I don’t want to be chased. I’m sure plenty of women do; they need the groveling and the grand gesture, the pining and running across the city to have the man’s feelings proved to them. It might make me an anomaly, but I have to decide on my own, unswayed by opinions of those around me. If Aiden had reached out, if he had tracked me down, I might have panicked.
The longer I think about it, though, with each passing day, the answer becomes more clear. I want him. I want him more than I’ve ever wanted anyone in my entire life. I want him at night, his body hovering over mine as he presses a kiss to my chest. In the morning, sweatpants hanging off his hips and a spatula in his hands. I want to meet his daughter and his friends. I want every part of him.
There’s always the chance, the terrifying possibility he doesn’t feel the same way. In the back of my mind, I can’t help but wonderwhyhe hasn’t attempted to track me down. He has my number. Finding me would be easy.
Does he know me better than I think he does? Am I that easy to read?
A breeze filters through the air and blows my hair into my face. I tuck a piece behind my ear and lift my chin. My gaze wanders across the water, over to the buildings again. I rub my neck over the spot of the hickey that sat there, the phantom touch of Aiden’s lips pressing into my bare skin. I wonder how long the sensation will follow me, taunting me through various parts of my day.
When I put my hair into a bun for work, I imagine him yanking on my scalp so my mouth falls open. In the shower, as I wash my legs, I remember him kneeling in front of me, tongue running up my inner thigh, a wicked glint in his eyes. On my bed as I try to fall asleep, his sturdy arms and the softness of his chest behind me are absent, nowhere to be found.
“Do you think I’m harboring these feelings because it’s the first time I’ve been with a man since my divorce? Maybe I’m making a mountain out of a molehill. Maybe he has healing powers, and I’m cured from my plague of no orgasms and being underappreciated.”
“There’s an easy way to test that theory,” Lacey says. “Sleep with someone else.”
A deep frown takes root on my lips. I don’t want to sleep with anyone else. I don’t want anyone else looking at me like I’m someone to worship. I don’t want someone else brushing my sweat-soaked hair off my forehead, a kiss pressed into the perspiration.
“I don’t think I can.”
“Well.” Lacey grins. “There’s your answer.”
“We got invited to do an interview withWake Up, Americanext week, talking about the photo shoot since it’s gone viral. Jeremiah will be there. I imagine Aiden will go, too, so maybe it’ll be our chance to reconnect.” I blow out a breath and pull my jacket tight around my body. It’s growing colder, the sun covered by a patch of clouds. “I can wait a few days. I deserve this happiness again. I’ve spent years searching for it, and I finally found it. Aiden makes me happy.”
“You deserve it and more.” Lacey reaches over and squeezes my hand.
I squeeze her back, decision made. I’m going to find Aiden Wood and get a second chance at this whole happily ever after thing. Maybe this time, it will stick.
TWENTY-NINE
MAGGIE
Aiden isn’t here.
I expected him to be. I expected to see him on the train from D.C. to New York. I expected to find him in the elevator, the two of us having an awkward run-in as the doors closed and I tried to hold them open. I expected him to be next to me on the couch, getting a microphone hooked onto the collar of his shirt.
But he isn’t.
The thought plagues me as an assistant onWake Up, Americafixes rogue pieces of my hair, sweeping the loose strands away from my eyes. Across from me, Deborah, the host of the show, studies her cue cards. Her lips move as she silently practices the interview questions.
Jeremiah plops down next to me on the couch. He takes my hand. “Are you doing okay?”
