Page 114 of Booked for the Holidays
Can I really split my time between my kid and another permanent person in my life? It’s not anything I’ve had to do before, and I feel useless on how to navigate it. I don’t know what to do.
I care for Bridget. A lot. Is it a coincidence that the night I let gojust a little bit, something bad happened? I groan, frustrated, tossing my keys to the emergency room valet and hustling to the desk. I need to figure my shit out, but other things take priority right now.
Mac. She’s the most important thing in my life. Everything else has to wait.
FORTY-FOUR
THEO
Mac looks sosmall in the hospital bed, gown slipping off her shoulders. She’s propped up against four pillows, a sling over her right arm. I stand in the doorway and grip the doorknob, fingers curling around the metal as I stare at her.
Fuck, it hurts to see her hurt. I’d carry the burden for her if I could, freeing her from the mattress and healing her wounds with a quick flick of my wrist. This is the first time she’s ever been seriously injured. We’ve never been in an emergency room before, and I hope to God this is the last time we have to step foot inside one. It’s too sterile in here, too cold. Too drab and too dim. It could use some color, a little bit of light.
Like Bridget, my mind traitorously whispers.
“Hey, sweetie,” I say softly. “How are you feeling?”
“Hey, Dad.” She shrugs and takes a sip of water on the tray in front of her. “Fine. My arm itches. But no pain.”
“That’ll be the drugs. Don’t get any ideas, kid.” I step inside the room, closing the door behind me. “Can I bring you anything? Are you hungry?”
“No. I’m okay for right now. We stuffed our faces with pizza and cake at Julie’s house.”
“Sounds like a fun night. I talked to Julie’s mom and thanked her for bringing you in. The doctor said they’ll be putting a cast on you soon.”
“Great. No soccer for over a month.” She sighs and plays with the ratty blanket covering her legs. It looks like it’s been eaten by moths, the polyester riddled with holes. “Sorry I ruined your night.”
“You didn’t ruin my night. I was wrapping presents.” I take a seat on the bed beside her, legs dangling off the mattress.
Mac arches an eyebrow. “For the tenth time?”
“You’re getting a lot of gifts.”
“Oh, stop lying, Dad. You’ve been weird all month. It’s different, but a good different.”
I rub my temples and pinch the bridge of my nose. I shove my glasses up and sigh. “It’s Bridget.”
“Iknewit!”
“You knew nothing.”
“Yeah? Is that why I notice how you smile every time you’re near her? I haven’t seen you smile like that in years. I also know she’s been at our house when I’m not there. There’s a book on your bedside table that’s definitelynotyours.”
“Okay. Fine. Yes, I smile every time I’m near her. But I’m not sure where we go from here.”
Mac frowns. Her unbroken arm folds under the sling and she glares at me. “Why?”
“Why?” I repeat.
“Yeah, why? Why wouldn’t you be with someone who makes you happy?”
“Because I was acting like an idiot when my own kid got hurt. I missed your calls, Mac. What if it had been worse. What if you haddiedand I didn’t get to say goodbye? Because I was being selfish?”
Hot tears leak onto my cheeks. I bat them away hurriedly, not wanting Mac to see this side of me. The raw, broken side who can’t stop thinking about the woman I was kissing an hour ago. It’s difficult to speak, but I do my best to power on.
“I was acting like I didn’t have a worry in the world. Like I don’t have someone who relies on me for things. If something worse had happened to you, I never would have forgiven myself. Hell, I’m so upsetright nowand it’s a broken arm. I can’t… I don’t want to imagine how bad this could have been.”
“Daddy,” Mac whispers.
