Page 151 of Hymns of the Broken
“Figured you might want company,” I say, voice quiet. “But if you don’t, I’ll go. No hard feelings.”
She shakes her head, lips twitching in a ghost of a smile. “Stay. Please.”
We sit in silence for a minute. The only sounds are the faint hum of the water heater and the occasional splash as she shifts. I want to fill the space with words, jokes, anything—but I don’t want to crowd her.
“What’s on your mind?” I finally ask. “Besides… all of it.”
She lets out a shaky breath, eyes staring into the water. “Feels like I can’t relax. If I let myself stop worrying, something terrible will happen.”
I nod, rubbing her arm a little firmer. “Makes sense. Anyone would feel that way after what you’ve been through. But you’re not alone, Sawyer.”
She looks at me then, really looks, and there’s so much exhaustion in her gaze it hurts. “You guys keep saying that, but I still feel like the world could come crashing down any second. What if I’m not strong enough? What if I mess everything up?”
I squeeze her hand, leaning in. “You’re stronger than you think. And even if you weren’t—we’d still be here. I’d still be here. I mean it, Sawyer. I’d do anything to keep you safe. Anything.”
Her lips tremble, but she manages a genuine smile. “Even if I keep dragging drama everywhere I go?”
I grin, trying to lighten it just a little. “I thrive on drama, Hellcat. Keeps life interesting. But seriously—you’re not a burden. You’re you.”
She sighs, shoulders sinking deeper into the water. “Thank you, Riot. I needed to hear that.”
I squeeze her arm one more time, then rest my head on the edge of the tub next to hers. “You ever want to talk, vent, scream, or just have someone sit with you while you soak—I’m your guy.”
She closes her eyes, letting the warmth of the water and the steadiness of my presence soak into her bones.
And I swear to myself, right then, that I won’t let anything hurt her. Ever.
SAWYER
I stare at the ripples in the water, listening to Riot breathe beside me. For a long time, I’m not sure I can make the words come out. They’re heavy. Old. Things I packed away in the dark corners of my mind, hoping they’d stay buried. But he doesn’t know, and he should know the darkest parts of me.
Riot sits there, silent and patient, thumb tracing slow circles on my arm like he has all the time in the world.
“Can I tell you something?” My voice comes out quiet, a little shaky.
He doesn’t hesitate. “Anything, Hellcat.”
I close my eyes. “I never talk about this. Not really. However, you should know why I react the way I do to certain things—the reasons behind my trauma.”
Riot shifts a little closer, voice gentle. “Whatever it is, I’m not going anywhere.”
I draw a shaky breath. “I grew up in chaos: big family, lots of noise, not enough love to go around. My mom left when I was a kid. My dad did his best. Then he started dating my stepmom.Sheand her daughter moved in—it was great, and at some point things got weird. Then my parents began having issues, and that continued on and off for years until they split for the last time. Growing up watching everything that happened and watching them split and come back together caused a lot of trauma and trust issues. I watched them stay together after there was cheating involved, and I ended up doing the same thing in my relationships. I grew up thinking that was normal. That, that’s what love is.”
Riot’s fingers squeeze mine, just enough to remind me he’s still here.
“I’ve had depression for as long as I can remember. Anxiety, too. Sometimes I think I was born with it. But then there’s the stuff I’ve never told anyone—” My voice hitches. “My last boyfriend. Blake. I thought he loved me. I thought maybe if we tried hard enough, we could be what the other needed. We split and got back together multiple times in the 2 years we had been together.”
Riot’s jaw clenches, but he doesn’t interrupt. He listens, steady as a stone.
“The problems started small.He’dcall me crazy, jealous, dramatic. It made me feel like everything was my fault when we fought or if he got caught cheating. Then it got worse—he’d tell me nobody else would ever want me, that I’m broken, toomuch. One night, we were fighting, and he raised his fist.” My hand shakes, but Riot holds it steady. “For a second, I thought he was going to hit me. I was frozen. But at the last second, he punched the closet door right behind my head instead. Put a hole through it. I never slept easily next to him after that.”
Riot’s voice is raw. “Sawyer—”
I push through, needing to get it all out. “And I stayed. I stayed every time.He’s hurt me in other ways too. The worst was one night, when I was so drunk I could barely move. I ended up blacking out. When I came to, I realized that he had forced himself on me, anally. I begged him to stop. I cried and begged, but I was so drunk I couldn’t move. I blacked out and came to twice after that. He had me over the bed, the sink, and thebathtub. I don’t even know how I got there, and each time I begged for him to stop. I was hurting so badly. He just told me to shut up and stop crying. That I’d asked for it, and I told no one because he made me believe they wouldn’t believe me even if I did.”
The tears come silently and hot, sliding down my cheeks and vanishing in the bathwater.
Riot reaches for my hand with both of his, pulling me close, his voice fierce and shaking. “You didn’t deserve any of that. None of it. If I could go back and wreck every single one of those fuckers, I would. I swear to God, Sawyer, I’d burn the world for you.”
