Page 2 of Aspen Heat
"I've been listening to the radio, Mase. The fire is nowhere close to where I am."
I hold the phone tight to my ear and place my free hand on my stomach. I'm terrified of leaving this safe space in the mountain. My body trembles and I close my eyes. I can no longer hear Maisie's words on the phone, and I think I'm going to throw up.
"Are you listening to me, Melissa?"
"I've got to go. I'll keep the radio on to see what's happening. Everything is going to be okay, Maisie."
I end the call and put the phone back on the table. I start doing some breathing exercises to calm myself down.
This is my safe spot. I don't have to leave it. I don't have to go back. I'm safe.These are the tiny little mantras I say to myself to convince my brain that I'm in a good place.
Trouble is, I'm not in a good place. I want to panic; I want to run. I can't leave this place behind, though.
"Get a hold of yourself, Melissa."
I force myself to go back to my grading. My focus is split between what's being said on the radio and my students work. I think on how hard they've worked and how I try to consistently show up for them with tools and techniques for them to better absorb the material.
The radio drones on, but I manage to focus on what the man is saying. The fire is a few miles out from where I am. Damn it. I'm going to have to evacuate. I swear, someone is going to have to drag me out of this house, because I'm not leaving of my own free will.
Just in case, though, I start gathering the papers I'm grading and putting them into my work bag. I fill it up with papers, a couple of books and my laptop. Then I rush to the bedroom and find my suitcase. What can I salvage?
I don't have any mementos from my previous life, and even if I did, I would leave them behind in a second. Except…but I don't know where it is. I quickly gather some toiletries and underwear and throw it in the bag. I put in some serviceable clothes as well. How long will I be away from my home? Will it go up in flames?
When I finish packing what I think are the essentials, I take my suitcase and place it next to the front door and do the same with my work bag. I go and sit on the living room, my gut erupting in fear. My brain goes to the last time I had to leave my home in a hurry and I try to push those memories away.
I refuse to let my mind go back to that horrible place, where all I was good for was being someone's punching bag. I've finally found a home for myself. Somewhere I'm flourishing and coming into my own. I won't let the memories or this stupid fire put my sanity in danger.
Breathing exercises are the way to go right now and I start doing four in, hold for four and exhale in four. I started havingpanic attacks after I left my past behind, but I'm so much better now. Thank God for online mental health professionals.
The breathing is helping, but I can't help inhaling the smoke that seems to be getting closer to my home. My stomach churns in response and I place my hands over it to help it settle down. My logical brain tells me I need to evacuate this place, but my heart is breaking into a million little pieces.
I got myself out from a dire situation before, I can't not do it a second time or however many times it's needed. My body is not responding though. I seem to be frozen on this couch and unable to move. When there's pounding on my door I almost jump out of my skin.
The knocks on the door seem desperate and for a moment I want to pretend no one is in the house. Let them leave, but I've got a hunch it might be the fire department on the other side of that door. The pounding continues this time sounding angrier and with an urgency that I've been trying to ignore.
Still frozen on my seat I see a firefighter look through my window and spot me sitting here, not responding to his call. All I know is that the door pounding becomes smashing and after a few minutes my door comes crashing down.
TWO
ASPEN
I've been backfor three months after my six-month rehab and am ready to start doing some actual firefighting. Instead, my squad leader keeps giving me rookie assignments like this one. I'm supposed to go house to house up and down Black Timber Peak Mountain and start evacuating folks.
Not that this is not an important assignment, but my unit is currently in the middle of fighting the fires and I itch to be there with them. Another unit is about to leave and I'm trying to stay out of their way. Fine, I'm hiding because they will give me a ribbing, and I've just about had enough of it.
"There he is!"
Oh no. Lassiter, the worst of them all. I try to look as if I'm busy, but let's face it, I'm not. I'm waiting on Superintendent Phoenix to give me the list of homes I'll be visiting.
"I'm kind of busy right now, Lassiter."
His loud, booming voice is a magnet to others because they already know he's good for some drama. I don't want to be today's reason for entertainment, especially since we're at a high emergency point right now with all the fires.
"Golden boy, are you jealous you are not getting in on any of the action?"
"My unit is out there, and I should be with them."
It took me two months to get up the courage to go to my squad leader and friend Jace Barlowe and demand he let me ride with my boys.
