Page 16 of Denying Davis
“They don’t serve that here.”
His shoulders sank. “That’s a shame. I could use some.”
“Me too,” I admitted.
“I’ll have to pick a place that does next time,” he said as looked down at the menu.
The waitress arrived, and Davis ordered two diet drinks for us. As he did, I couldn’t focus on anything but his last two words to me. Next time. Next time.Next time.They echoed in my head on an endless loop. I gripped the edge of my menu, almost twisting it as I held on, hoping to steady my breath and calm the rapid beating of my heart.
“I’ll give you all a few minutes to look over the entrees,” the server said, more to Davis than to me. He thanked her, and she flounced away. My heartbeat reverberated in my ears, drowning out of the normal sounds of the dining room.
“Okay,” Davis said after a long moment. “If I’d known a simple after-work meal would stress you out so much, I probably wouldn’t have asked you.” He gestured at the menu. “You’re holding that as if it’s the only thing between you and certain death.”
“Sorry, I—” I released my grip on the laminated paper, but I still didn’t open it. “I’m just thinking about a lot of things.”
His eyes softened. “Like what?”
“It’s just…” I took a deep breath. “Ever since I last saw you, things have been complicated. That’s probably the right word. Complicated.”
“Life is complicated, Sam.”
“I know, but I would say mine has been more than most.”
How was I going to do this? How was I going to explain it to him, without admitting what happened, without admitting the truth about what his father had done, and what we’d agreed to as a result? Having googled him, I knew what was before him. He’d follow in his family’s business, have more money than God, marry a beautiful woman with a suitable pedigree, and look back at this moment and thinkwhy the hell did I bother to see Samantha Green again?I was inconsequential, and therefore I had no idea why this was important to him. Even though we signed an agreement to stay quiet, I looked into his eyes and saw the boy I’d once loved.
He deserves the truth.
“Look, I need to say this.” I looked at the table, steeled my nerves, and met his eyes again. “I didn’t come here to hang out. I didn’t come here to get to know you again. I came here…I came here because…” I shut my eyes.I can’t tell him. Our lives are on different trajectories. Not to mention the contract…“Never mind.”
“Never mind what?”
I opened my eyes. “Listen, no matter how close you thought we were in the past, that’s where it must stay, in the past. We can’t go back.” I grabbed my water glass and gulped down a large swig. It didn’t do much to help the dryness that permeated my mouth. “We can’t. Things don’t work that way.”
“I’m not asking to go back.” Davis stared at me, his gaze steely and his eyes narrow. “I’m asking to go forward. With you.”
I shook my head.What? He can’t be serious. We’re virtually strangers.
“What’s wrong?”
“We can’t do that,” I croaked. “Wecan’t.”
“I don’t think you understand, Samantha.” His jaw tightened. “Before the other night, I’d given up. I thought I’d never see you again; you were a ghost of my past.” He let out a puff of air. “But then I saw you at the wedding. And now we have a chance for another chapter.”
“No,” I said, even though the word was painful to say. “We don’t.”
I remembered the clauses of the documents my mom and I had signed, a bunch of legal mumbo jumbo designed to keep dirty secrets hidden forever. The memories helped me find the courage to say what I needed to say, but deep in my heart I wondered why he was bothering at all. We were kids back then. Yes, I thought he was the love of my life, but that was the past. Now, love would need to take a backseat while I looked after my mom. While I worked grueling hours trying to extend her life, because…she is my everything.He was a graduate of Harvard, about to start his brilliant, successful life. Surely he wasn’t serious that finding me now meant we could start something new?
If he was, he was deluded.
“Honestly, I only came here to tell you I don’t want anything to do with you, Davis. I don’t care about the past, or what we used to have. It’s not part of my life anymore.”
“But—”
“No.” I stood from the booth and looked down at him. His eyes were sad, and a deep frown marred his forehead. “Goodbye, Davis.” I didn’t know this man. I couldn’t pretend I was heartbroken to be walking away, because I didn’t know him. Not the man he’d become.But I always knew he’d be an incredibly kind, thoughtful, and generous soul, and that’s who I’m mourning the loss of. I can see that boy in his eyes. He was my best friend.But not only could I not dream of trying to reconnect with him as simply a friend, I was bound by oath to avoid him at all costs.At all costs.I had once hoped I’d find him again, that we’d reconnect, and life would be full of possibilities again. We’d find out what we had all those years ago was real.Possible.But that wasn’t my reality, and it never would be.Once this document is signed there is no sunset clause.I remembered that face from so many years ago and swallowed my pain, pushing it into the pit of my stomach.
“Have a nice life,” I added.
Then I walked out of The Hamburger Stand.
