Page 81 of Five
“We were at the Shipwreck Museum, going up the tower. I dropped the sponge sword my dad had bought me while we were climbing, and it blew over the edge. I was pirate crazy, so no way was I letting that thing go. There were queues of people on the stairs, but I was small, and I pushed my way back down to the ground to pick it up. That wasn’t so easy for Dad.”
I’m vaguely aware that Neve has started rubbing small circles on my knuckles.
“The man came out of nowhere. He grabbed me and dragged me along, and I wasn’t even thinking, so I just started yelling about my sword. By the time we reached the exit, and I realized something bad was happening, I guess I looked like every other kid having a tantrum.”
I pause, gathering my thoughts, and Neve stays quiet, too.
“Nicky was already there when I arrived on the island. He couldn’t tell me how long he’d been there. We were both too young to have a proper concept of time, and he was even younger than I was. I only found out when I escaped that I ended up being there two years. I was six years old when I went in, eight when I came out. I want to say Nicky was around five when I went in.”
“So he had probably been there a year already when you were kidnapped. Wh-what was it like?” Neve’s whisper is faint, but I hear it, and I understand why she needs to know.
“I’m not sure…” My voice croaks, and I have to clear my throat. “I’m not sure if I remember it all properly. I can tell you what I recall, but the shrinks tried telling my family I’d made it all up.”
Neve sucks in a harsh breath. “How could they say that? You were gone for two years!” she exclaims in shocked outrage. “Where did they think you’d been?”
I shake my head, as much at a loss as she is. “The kid shrinks all said I was repressing the memories of my worst experiences. Painting over them to make it easier to deal with. So they didn’t know where I’d been.”
Shrugging, I continue. “I remember it being like camp. There was a big room with bunks. Six of them. Sometimes they were full, sometimes they weren’t. Some boys left, then new ones came.Boys…”
Neither of us comment on the fact this latest abduction is a little girl. We’re both still trying to process that.
“I had trouble playing with the other kids because I didn’t know them. That’s where Nicky came in. He befriended me, even though I was the sullen kid who just sat in the corner and refused to speak to anyone.”
Neve wedges herself against me. I’m not sure if she needs reassurance or if she’s trying to give it to me, but either way, I lean back, pulling her close, and it comforts both of us.
“He always had so much empathy for such a little kid,” she whispers as she rests her cheek on my chest.
“He became my closest friend. Then one day he was just…gone.”
I hear a soft hiccupping sob and stroke her hair, wishing I had more answers for her.
“There was an older boy. I don’t know how to explain him. He was one of us, but sometimes it was like he wasn’t. The guy who took us… Well, I guess he groomed him. Gave him special privileges for being a second set of eyes. He took Nicky out one day and never brought him back.”
“The man…” she asks haltingly, picking at a button on my shirt. “Did you know who he was?”
I shake my head. “I can’t bring his face to mind, no matter how hard I try. All I remember is his voice. It was pitched higher than normal—kind of nasal—and cold, like he was devoid of any emotion. He never shouted, but I felt the iciness of his anger, and it chilled me to the bone. I’d never heard a voice like that before, and I haven’t since.”
There’s a long silence as each of us are lost in our own thoughts, but now it’s Nicky on my mind.
“Once Nicky was gone, I knew I had to break free. We always promised each other we’d get out of there. We used to plan and scheme together. I hoped so much that he’d escaped. Maybe in my head, I convinced myself that he did and that gave me the guts to do the same. Either way, when they took me out to the shipwreck museum, and I recognized where I was, I promised myself I wasn’t going back, no matter what it took.”
I don’t mention that I’d been prepared to throw myself out of the boat and sacrifice myself to the water if things didn’t work, and I found myself on the way back to that hellhole. I’ve never told anyone that. Not even the many therapists I’ve seen.
“Do you think youarerepressing the details?“ Neve looks up at me through her lashes. There’s empathy there, but no blame or disbelief, and I find some of my anxiety dispersing.
I lay my cheek against her hair. “I don’t know. Honestly, I don’t think so. I’ve never had any huge issues…”
I pause and reword that. “Okay, that’s not strictly true. Of course I had problems re-acclimating to normal life, and for a long time, I was scared I was going to lose my family again. You know, obvious stuff.”
She nods her understanding.
“But I never had to be hospitalized, even though everyone expected me to be this damaged kid that needed to be treated like dynamite—gently, in case I exploded. I’ve never been tempted by drugs. I even visited the shipwreck museum a few years ago, at the suggestion of one of my therapists, and bought a toy sword on the way out. I handled it fine.”
Neve looks up at me, her lips pursed. “Well, I’m no expert, but I’d have thought that doing something like that would shake something loose.”
Her easy acceptance is a relief. All I’ve ever wanted is to be believed.
“I agree. I was even able to go into the military. I experienced all manner of hell in Afghanistan. I saw innocent people become collateral. Families destroyed by war. There were evils there that you had to accept in order to complete a mission, and if you didn’t accept them, you died. The people around you died. You endangered so many others than just yourself if you didn’t stay focused. I remember all that in vivid detail, and I could call up any number of old comrades right now to confirm those things.”
