Page 37 of Becoming Us
Colin patted my shoulder before walking in.
“Talk to you tomorrow,” I said, just before Atty leaned down and pressed a kiss to my lips. He stepped away with a smile, and I rested my back against the doorframe.
As he let go of my hand, something in his expression shifted. Panic replaced ease in an instant. Just as the elevator doors began to close, he stopped them with his forearm.
“Did you forget something?” Colin asked.
No. That wasn’t it.
His eyes flicked from the elevator to me, then back again.
Fuck.
“I’ll walk you downstairs.” I stepped in beside them and threaded my fingers through his again. His hand clamped around mine. Hard.
No one spoke on the ride down. Colin glanced from his phone to us, uneasy. Atty stared straight ahead.
The rock in my stomach was heavy and suffocating. Watching your boyfriend spiral because of something you caused? Not fun.
Also—not my boyfriend.
The rock doubled in size.
I walked them out the front doors and toward the car waiting at the curb. Before Atty got in, I hugged him tightly, hoping he understood what I was trying to say.
“I’m not going anywhere,” I said anyway, just in case he needed to hear it too.
“I know.”
“Call me when you get home. On video, if you want. We can fall asleep like that.”
He pulled back and seemed to consider it. Then he nodded. “Okay.”
I rose on my toes to kiss him. “I love you.”
His lips parted slightly before he leaned in again. “I’ll call you.”
He climbed into the car, and I watched as they pulled away.
It was off. We were still off. One foot in and one still drowning in doubt. Like we were playing parts that didn’t quite fit.
I shifted on my feet and shoved my hands into the pockets of my sweats.
It was going to be fine.
This was Atty and me.
We just needed time. Then everything would be fine.
Sunday was a bit of a bust.
My ankle gave out while running, putting me off my feet for the day and out of commission for two weeks. I spent the whole afternoon icing it, sprawled out on my bed, doing nothing.
Atty asked me at least half a dozen times if he could come over after work, but that wasn’t technically a date, and we had seen each other yesterday. We could go back to regular programming next week. Plus, I was going to be no fun if I couldn’t even get out of bed.
I’d only seen Ezra right after it happened and again after work. Atty had sent him a pint of ice cream for me. Ezra passed along the message, then disappeared into his room. I thought I heard him walking around the kitchen a few times, but that was it. Up until now, sharing an apartment had been awkward—but not unbearable.
Between half-watching whatever Netflix decided I’d like and drifting in and out of sleep, I lost all sense of time. So by two a.m., I was wide awake—and starving. Normally, I was strict about what I ate. But tonight? One indulgence wouldn’t kill me.
