Page 184 of Becoming Us
I grinned, looking back at the house, but felt his gaze still lingering on me. It made my chest ache, seemingly out of nowhere. The peaceful buzz started to change into something melancholic. I’d done that to him. Did I fuck up?
“Yeah, that’s it,” I murmured.
“Do you know what you’re majoring in?”
“No fucking clue,” I sighed. “I don’t even know what I’m doing back here.” I pushed my hair back, working some of the tangles free.
“What else would you do?”
“Exactly, Atty. Exactly. There’s not much else to do.” I smiled, but I knew it was vacant.
Inadequacy. That was the feeling starting to take over. What could I possibly offer him? Teaching him how to smoke pot?
Stellar, Noah. Absolutely admirable.
Atticus was young and full of hope, just starting out his life. All I’d do is taint him.
For the first time in a very long time, I wished things were different. I wished I didn’t feel like shit most of the time. I wished I’d met him sooner as someone better. Wish I could go back in time and have a do-over.
“Are you going to join the team?”
I shook my head. “No team should have me. Trust me on that. I’m too flaky.”
He looked so disappointed; my stomach dropped again.
“Why?”
“I don’t show up. I lose motivation. Get too drunk or high. Choose one.”
His eyebrows pulled together, concern softening his expression. “You’ve been showing up.”
I shrugged.
He was sogood. Straight-A student. Bright future.
And what was I? A distraction. A mistake he hadn’t made yet.
I should stop. Stop leading him on.
“I’ll stop. That’s what I do,” I said, trying to laugh it off, to ignore the sour taste that was forming in my mouth. “What about you?”
“Engineering.”
Shit. Of course.
“Get out of town.”
He laughed again. Each time, it got warmer, a little looser. “Why is that surprising?”
“I don’t know. I figured you were just muscle. Didn’t know you were smart too.” The words slipped out before I could catch them.
He frowned, but the smile was still ghosting his mouth. “Well, fuck you,” he said—no venom, just a grin.
I laughed through the sudden pressure in my chest. He really did look like a god when he smiled like that.
“I’m sorry. I don’t think that came out right.”
“You mean you weren’t trying to tell me you thought I was thick?”
