Page 87 of Becoming Us
A car horn blared.
I jumped, clutching my chest as a guy sped past. “Shit! Sorry.”
A pause.
“Where are you right now?”
I bit down on my tongue.
There was one rule I lived by—born from our breakup, but necessary even beyond that. No lying. Not even the white ones. Those were off the table. Forever.
“On the street,” I said, choosing my words carefully.
“What street?”
Fine, fuck. He’s already aware you’re not exactly stable—even though you’re supposed to be convincing him otherwise. But fine.
“Yours…”
“Are you standing outside my building?”
Good job, Noah.
“Yeah,” I said, barely above a whisper.
“I should probably be more surprised.”
“I swear I wasn’t going to tell you. I wasn’t going to ask to come up. I just wanted to talk, and it felt wrong being far away. I know what you asked for, but?—”
“Noah,” he cut in. “Come upstairs.”
“Are you sure?”
“Yeah. Come on.”
I took a deep breath, hung up, and made my way up to him. When I reached his door, he was already leaning against the frame, arms crossed.
“Sorry for showing up like this.” The words spilled out the second I was in front of him.
“Come inside.” He turned and walked to his room.
I followed, eyes drawn to the way his back moved with each step.
The door clicked shut behind us and I sat at the foot of his bed, looking up, waiting. “Is it time for another uncomfortable conversation?”
He nodded. “Seems like it.”
“Are you going to sit?”
He did—right beside me. His entire left side pressed against mine, and somehow, that let me breathe easier. I took his hand and laced it between both of mine, holding them close between my knees.
“I need to know what it’s really about,” he said. “Because you’ve said you want us to be ready, but it doesn’t feel like that’s all. And I get the rest—the dates, not staying over, not defining things yet—I understand. We don’t want to fall into old habits. But even those boundaries feel hard sometimes…because it doesn’t feel like us.” Atty stared at his lap, a small frown tugging at his mouth.
“What do you mean, it doesn’t feel like us?”
He shrugged, shaking his head. “I know it wasn’t always healthy, but…was everything bad?” His eyes flicked to mine for a second, uncertain.
I squeezed his hands a little tighter, trying to keep mine from shaking. “I don’t think so, no. Otherwise, what are we even doing here, right?”
