Page 85 of Becoming Us
I took another.
And another.
The fear slipped out through the cracks, replaced by something colder. Not joy—power. Clarity. Like I could finally breathe again. Like nothing could touch me.
It didn’t make me happy, but it made me sure. Sure I could handle the pressure. Sure I could outrun the dread. Sure I could make it through the night, and the day after that.
It made me feel alive. Untouchable. Like I was the one in control.
It was the kind of high that kept you moving. That got you dancing. Grinning. Pulling someone into your mouth just to forget why you needed to.
That kind.
I took a few more when I finally made it home. Showered. Got dressed and went to class like nothing had happened. Like I hadn’t just crossed a line I swore I never would.
No sleep? No problem.
I didn’t need it anymore.
I was fucking invincible now.
CHAPTER
THIRTEEN
AFTER
Istared up at the brick building.
It wasn’t especially tall—just five floors—but three of them stood between me and my sanity.
This was a bad idea. An old Noah idea.
Coming to his place and standing outside like a creep—for what? He wasn’t going to look out the window and say he forgave me. That he still loved me. Not when I was basically stalking him after he asked for space.
He needed time. I knew that. Atty liked to sit with his feelings, let them settle before speaking. That had always been a line I crossed. But not now. Now, I could respect that. I could respecthim.
So why the fuck was I still standing here?
I’d called Samuel after Atty left, after pacing my room for half an hour like a man on fire. He said I had to let him cool off. That it was healthy. And Iknewit was healthy. But something in my chest—maybe in my fucking DNA—insisted it was the wrongcall. That I had to fix this. Right now. That we needed to talk. Wasn’t that the whole point? That I never talked before?
This was growth. Probably.
I sat down on a bench across the street, elbows braced on my knees, head hanging low.
I’d spent so much time learning how to talk, how tofeel. But now, when I actually had todoit, everything short-circuited.
Pulling out my phone, I opened his contact and stared at it.
Texting felt less unhinged than knocking on his door at ten p.m.
Me
Atty I know you need to cool off and you absolutely can for however long you want
but in case you want to talk
I’m here
