Page 147 of Becoming Us
Something about our growing relationship made it easier to perform together. We moved in sync now, like the music passed through us in the same rhythm. This time, the nerves didn’t stop me—they built into something electric.
The meeting with Pax had been a lifesaver too. I didn’t speak, just listened. Some people shared just a few words about their day or a small struggle; others opened up about their mental health or their relationships. A bit of everything. And all of it honest. That willingness to be vulnerable—it moved something in me. Because in that room, none of them were alone. Theirstruggles didn’t just belong to them anymore. Watching that happen was…beautiful.
It helped settle my uneasiness for this weekend too. We hadn’t stuck around after the show because of the early flight, and choosing to go to bed with Atty was always going to be easy.
We took a car to the hotel and settled in, showering and getting ready for dinner at my mom’s house.
I must’ve changed a million times. I kept staring at myself in the mirror, checking to make sure the clothes were flattering, that they didn’t emphasize the new figure I was still learning to accept. Atty watched me quietly, giving me space, even in the small room. He earned serious brownie points for not rushing me and for telling me I looked good in everything I tried on.
Still, my anxiety kept ticking up, minute by minute. I didn’t know what we’d walk into.
Ilana and I had been texting back and forth since I told her I was coming. She seemed excited about it, and I wanted to believe that meant there’d be at least one friendly face waiting for me. It made me cautiously optimistic about her wanting to get closer—even though the thought terrified me. Because what if she changed her mind?
And then there was my mom. My mom, her boyfriend, and his entire family, orbiting the same room, waiting. Just thinking about it made my stomach clench, the knot tightening until I felt it sitting like a weight beneath my ribs. I couldn’t tell if it was nerves or dread—or both.
And my brother? I couldn’t even let myself contemplate that yet. That was a whole other can of worms I wasn’t ready to open.
On the way over, my leg wouldn’t stop bouncing. Not even when Atty placed his hand on it, steadying me. I peeked at his phone and smiled—he was watching clips from last night’s show, one that focused on me as I played.
“You know I’m sitting right here?”
His eyes lifted lazily to mine.
“You could just stare at me.”
He smiled, then leaned in and kissed my neck. “You look better in the video,” he teased.
I shoved his shoulder, grinning, and reached for his hand.
“You doing okay?”
I tugged at the collar of my shirt. “Yeah, I’m fine.”
“Well, I’m right here, okay? Just say the word and I’ll get us out of there.”
I smiled. “Thanks. And thanks again for coming,” I added quickly.
“No problem.” He kissed my skin once more before turning back to his phone.
When we pulled into the driveway and stepped out, Atty’s eyes went wide. “This is an apartment building?”
“Yeah. An unnecessarily expensive one. Come on.” I tugged on his arm to get him to follow me. “Wait till we’re inside before you start acting starstruck.”
We rode the elevator in silence to the top floor while my stomach flipped again.
It was fine. We’d small talk, eat, and get the fuck out. How bad could it be?
I glanced at my watch. One minute to seven. Three more hours to go.
The elevator dinged, and the doors slid open into a lavish entrance hall. The housekeeper stood waiting, even though it was way too warm for coats.
She gave us a perfectly crafted polite nod. “Mr. Rossi.”
I held out my hand. “Noah’s fine. Hi.”
She stared at it for a second before taking it. Atty introduced himself, too, and shook her hand before she led us inside what was technically my apartment.
Soft, generic jazz played in the background, the lights slightly dimmed. It felt like walking into a function, not a damn family dinner.
