Page 114 of Becoming Us
I chuckled. “Yeah, but I’ve kind of run out of stuff to talk about.”
“You canceled our last three sessions.”
“It’s the band, school, Atty… The schedule’s been chaotic.”
“And nothing’s happened in the last month that you might need to work through?”
“Not really.”
He didn’t answer right away. Just waited. Like always. Like he knew something would give if he left enough space for it.
Finally, he said, “Why don’t I put something on the table, and you can tell me if anything comes up.”
“Alrighty,” I chimed.
“Are you going to Seattle?”
I sighed. “I’m not sure yet.”
“Have you asked Atticus about it? Or told him?”
I scratched the back of my neck. “No…”
“How come?”
“It was a shitshow the last time I brought it up. Things have been good lately—I don’t want to screw that up.” My stomach flipped. Fucking Samuel. Everything’s fine.
“Do you want to tell me about that?”
I rolled my eyes and crossed my legs on the bed. “I asked him to go with me, back when we were still together, and he said no.”
The memory hit harder than I expected. My fingers drummed against my thigh, trying to shake off the unease it brought.
“What made you upset about that?”
“I wanted him to go,” I said, sounding more petulant than I meant to.
“Clearly. But what was upsetting about it?”
I picked at the skin beside my nail. What was the point of digging all this up again? It wasn’t a big deal. I’d overreacted, gotten into a huge fight with him, and ended up snorting a couple lines in a bathroom—after months without.
“What made it important to you?”
“It wasn’t,” I said quickly. “It was just a quick visit.”
“But it mattered to you,” he said. “What did it mean?”
I bit my lip.
“Noah…”
“I thought he was there for me,” I muttered, feeling sheepish. Childish, even.
Samuel waited.
“I get why he couldn’t now. But back then, I needed him. And he didn’t want to be there.”
“What’s keeping you from asking again?”
