Page 178 of When We Ignite
The plane ride back was unbearable.
We moved through the motions of packing and leaving as if on autopilot, avoiding each other and speaking only when absolutely necessary. The weight of everything unsaid pressed down on us, thick and suffocating.
Henry flew back with us, and Ethan spent most of the flight staring out the window, his body turned away from mine. I buried myself in work, trying to ignore the concerned glances from Henry and Aria.
When we landed, I insisted Henry and Aria take a separate car. I drove Ethan to his apartment, the silence between us as loud as it had been on the plane.
I parked in front of his building and waited, unsure of what to say or how to start.
Ethan stared down at his lap, his fingers fidgeting with the edge of his shirt. Finally, he broke the quiet. “Is this it, Ash?”
Prolonging it would make it worse for both of us. “We only have a few more days, but…I think it might be better if this was it, yeah.”
He glanced at his building, his jaw tightening. His hand moved to the door handle but didn’t open it.
Then he turned back toward me, his expression shifting to something fierce and determined. “I’m not going to pretend like this doesn’t really fucking suck because I’m terrible at that—and for some reason, you can read me like a book, anyway—but I want you to know I don’t regret it.”
He shifted in his seat, facing me fully now, his voice unwavering as he continued. “You made a fucking mess of my life, Sebastian. I didn’t think one person could cause this much trouble. I didn’t think someone could rip apart everything I thought I knew about the world or myself.”
I sat still, his words washing over me, my heart lodged somewhere in my throat.
“But you changed everything, and I don’t regret it. I don’t regret knowing you or falling in love with you. I don’t. I just regret that it took me so damn long to admit I wanted you. I’m sorry I robbed us of that time.” His voice cracked, and he took a deep breath, forcing himself to stay composed. “You’re the most amazing person I’ve ever met, and I just—” He faltered, his breath hitching as his voice softened. “I’m just going to miss you so fucking much.”
Ethan’s honesty was ripping at every last thread of my restraint. I felt all those things too. I didn’t regret a second of this—whatever this was between us. I loved how close we’d grown, how effortlessly we fit together.
I tried to think about my father, about the company and the board. I tried to think about the scandal this would cause, how it could shatter not just my reputation but theirs.
I thought about my brothers—the promise I’d made to my mother to always protect them, to always put them first.
I tried to keep Oliver’s face clear in my mind. I tried to focus on all the reasons why he asked me not to do this. Why this was supposed to end here.
But Ethan wasn’t his. He wasn’t theirs.
He wasmine.
And I fucking wanted him.
Before I even registered what I was doing, I hit the lock button on the door. Ethan’s hand froze on the handle. He glanced down at it, confused, before turning back to me.
I took a deep breath. “I can’t give you up.”
His eyes darted over my face, searching. “What?”
“I can’t,” I repeated, the words spilling out before I could stop them. “Let’s go back to my place. Fuck this stupid time frame. I don’t want to let you go.”
His lips parted in disbelief, and then slowly, relief lit up his face, his smile brighter than the sun. He looked like he was trying to process what I’d just said, but I didn’t give him the chance.
I grabbed the back of his neck and kissed him, pouring every unspoken word into the connection of our lips. Each kiss was a silent confession of everything I couldn’t bring myself to say.
You’re different to me.
Kiss.
This is real.
Kiss.
I want to keep you forever.
