Page 73 of Sawyer
They all looked at Dean. “Hey! Okay, fine, maybe some nutmeg. Your eggnog was a hit, Thea.”
She patted him on his sweater to make his bells jingle, which never failed to make Axel chuckle. Brooke had sworn she was buying their Nordic giant his own ugly holiday sweater for next year since he found it so amusing, but he’d insisted he enjoyed the tradition as a spectator only. That made sense. She couldn’t see Axel—looking very sharp as usual in a new cream cashmere sweater and brown wool pants—wearing anything silly.
That’s why he matched Brooke, who looked especially lovely in a velvet burgundy pantsuit. Thea had dressed up in the new black cashmere dress Jean Luc’s mother had bought her, saying it would look so sophisticated on her. What she hadn’t anticipated was that the color showed the flour she always seemed to get on herself, making her look like a crime scene after forensics had dusted for fingerprints, Dean had joked.
“I’ll go with you, Thea.” Sawyer slid off his barstool before Jean Luc volunteered. “I need some fresh air.”
“I’ll go?—”
“I don’t need a babysitter, Kyle.” Sawyer held up a hand, his face tired from what must have been a restless night. “We’ll be back in a sec.”
Thea traded an unspoken look with Jean Luc before glancing over her shoulder and giving Kyle an assuring smile. “I’ll take care of him.”
Even though Sawyer had sent that final text to his parents, she supposed it was possible his parents might be keeping an eye on the restaurant. But that seemed extreme, especially since Nanine’s was closed today. Still, Sawyer had made it clear he wouldn’t let them control him anymore, and if he stayed at home for fear of a confrontation, he’d be doing just that.
Carl came out and helped Thea into her coat as Sawyer tugged his on. Brooke’s father and Nanine had stayed late last night, past dinner and everyone opening presents. They’ddone a secret Santa this year and each picked a name. She thought it was because everyone worried about her money situation, but no one seemed to mind, and she loved the magical Nordic cookie stamps Axel had gotten her. She couldn’t wait to bake with them next year.
“You two sure you don’t want company?” Carl asked, his round face filled with concern.
“No, we’ll just be a sec,” Thea insisted.
She linked her arm through Sawyer’s as they started walking to the restaurant. The streets were icy in places, and she wished she wasn’t wearing heels. Sawyer was quiet, and part of her didn’t know what to say. Goodness knows she had her share of problems with her own parents, but when she was upset, she didn’t always like to talk about things. Sawyer tended to be private too. Of course, they’d showered him with all the love they could last night. Dean had been extra hilarious, singing Christmas carols with Pierre.
But maybe talking about his girlfriend would help. Jean Luc was her happy place when she started worrying about things.
“Is Phoebe having a great time in New York?”
“Yeah.” He lifted a shoulder. “She and her dad get along—unlike her and her mom—and she’s gotten to see friends.”
“That’s great. I’m happy for her. Plus, New York City is especially magical around the holidays with all the lights and Rockefeller Square and all. Until this Christmas, spending it with Brooke that one time was my favorite holiday.”
The cold wind slapped her in the face as they turned right, making her think about her old home in Iowa. The wind would be freezing there too. Likely a bunch of snow would be covering the flat fields around her parents’ farm. She hadn’t called them yet, and part of her was dreading it. They’d decided not to come to her wedding on the twenty-eighth, citing money as much as the holiday. She was struggling notto feel guilty about how relieved she felt. Which made her understand Sawyer’s feelings to a certain extent.
She found the courage to say, “I know you’re tired of talking about it, but I wanted you to know how proud I am of you. I’ve been struggling with guilt over feeling relieved my parents aren’t coming to my wedding. Seeing you take a stand has made me wonder if it’s time for me to do the same. Although mine is easier since my parents live so far away and don’t travel.”
“Distance doesn’t seem to matter. Otherwise, we wouldn’t have inner turmoil.”
She’d always appreciated his philosophy, and never more so than now. “Thank you for saying that. Only Jean Luc knows this, but my parents aren’t happy about us getting married. My mother said, ‘Why would you want to marry a Frenchman, Thea? Aren’t they known for being really rude and fast with women?’”
“That’s stone cold, Thea.” Sawyer stopped on the nearly empty street, his glasses fogged up from the cold. “I’m sorry.”
“Jean Luc held me for a while after that call, but then he tried to make me laugh, saying things like, ‘Rude? I’ll show them rude.’ Then he swore impressively in French for a few minutes. I was able to laugh then, but sometimes it still bothers me. I mean, why can’t our parents simply be happy for us? Aren’t they supposed to love us and cheer us on? Why do they have to put down our choices like that?”
He sighed as they resumed walking. “I’ve thought about this a lot, and last night I finally reached a conclusion. It might not change things, but itiscomforting. My parents didn’t have me because they wanted to love me or cheer me on, as you said. They had me to edify them and their status in life. I was supposed to be the brilliant genius who’d sprung from their loins. Sorry for the Greek myth metaphor, but it works for me. From what you’ve told me of your parents, they had you because that’s what they were supposed to do.Plus, being farmers, I imagine you were supposed to help out on the farm. Your value was work.”
Her heart throbbed a little at that conclusion, but the pain came from knowing it was true. “You’re right. Things turned unpleasant between us as soon as I started working less on the farm on weekends. Do you know what I’m really struggling with?”
They’d reached the restaurant. She was relieved not to see anything unusual on the street, she had to admit. Nothing except for parked cars in their normal spots like usual. Sawyer also seemed to do a scan and then heaved out a relieved breath. They detoured to the back door, and she dug out her keys from her pocket.
“What?” Sawyer asked.
“I’m afraid I’ll be thinking about all this on my wedding day—a day that’s supposed to be one of the happiest of my life.”
He opened up the door and let her go inside first as she hit the lights. The chandelier gave a merry jingle of welcome.
“I worry about that with my first gallery show too, although Nanine has given me a special bottle to open that day with our friends.”
Tears filled her eyes, spilling onto her cheeks. “We do have the most wonderful family in the world, don’t we?”
