Page 105 of The Calendar of New Beginnings
He pushed out of his chair. “I am not asking that. Lucy, you’re not hearing me.”
“I may have trouble seeing you like I used to, but I can hear you just fine.” Stalking over to the counter, she put ten feet between them. “Why are you doing this? We’ve only just started this other thing between us.”
He stayed where he was, watching her small frame tremble across the room from him. “Lucy, you know I usually take my time about making big decisions, but with some things, I just know. I feel that way about this, about you and me. And you’re not being honest with yourself when you say this just started. You and I have always connected on a deeper level than most people do. Normal rules don’t apply to us.”
She edged back even further from him—bumping intothe counter. “You don’t think I’ll get my full vision back, do you? Oh, my God, is this your way of trying to save me?” The fire in her eyes was scorching. “I know you love me, but you can’t save me from an uncertain future, Andy Cakes.”
The derision in her voice crushed his heart. “Every fear you have is rising up and casting a shadow over us. I don’t want you to give up who you are. I’m saying I want to be with you. Forever. However that looks. Whether you get your vision back or not. Whether you work overseas again or stay here.”
Her head was already shaking in denial. “You originally said I couldn’t have children and do what I do. Andy, I know you like I know myself. You couldneverbe happy with a wife who traveled the world for work. And I couldn’t give that up. Not for you. Not for our kids. I wouldn’t want to. I would want to show our childrenanythingis possible—even a marriage that isn’t conventional.”
He took three steps toward her, but the look she gave him—like a wild animal caged—halted him. “I do love you. What I’m telling you is that I want to find a way to have a shared future. And yes, that includes a family.”
She threw out her hands. “You’re way too conventional to have a wife who has to leave for a month here and there to visit a war zone. I wouldn’t want to worry you. You could never take hearing what my life was really like.”
In all the years they’d known each other, she’d never gone below the belt. “You’re pissing me off, Lucy. You were the one who decided I couldn’t take it. Why don’t you trust me more?”
“You had trouble with Kim getting sick and dying,” she spat out. “There are plenty of things I knew better than to tell you, and that was before we were together. Like the time I managed to evade five child soldiers who bribedthe hotel manager for the key to my room so they could gang rape me. Or when I hid behind a burned-out garbage can while soldiers shot a bunch of street children because I knew I’d be killed if I tried to stop them. How would you feel about getting that kind of phone call from your wife?”
God. Is that what she’d gone through? His face tightened as emotion jolted through him. “It’s cruel of you to say I couldn’t handle things with Kim. I did my fucking best, okay, like any other person after finding out their beloved young wife is going to die. No one knows how they’re going to react when they’re faced with impossible situations. You’re projecting because you’re scared I could actually love you as you are. Lucy, I’m not your mother, dammit!”
Her harsh breathing filled the kitchen. He took a moment to compose himself.
“How did we end up yelling at each other?” he asked in a softer tone. “We never do that.”
She smiled sadly. “It appears we are, and I’m sorry.”
“Me too.”
“Please don’t do this,” she said more softly now. “Let’s see how things go between us, and whether my vision changes. We can talk about the future when it comes.”
Now he strode across the kitchen and gently put his hands on her shoulders, looking into her scared green eyes. “I don’t want our decision about whether to have a future together to hinge on whether your vision improves. That’s not fair to either of us. I love you. I would want you even if you were blind. It’s you I want, Lucy. However you are.”
The muscles in her shoulders were stretched taut under his fingers. “Well, it matters to me. I need to know who I am and where I’m going. I can’t just agree to throw all that aside and stay in Dare Valley.”
Suddenly he felt as helpless talking with her as he had while talking with her mother. “You’re still not hearing me.”
“We’re not hearing each other, and that breaks my heart. We’ve always been able to understand each other.” She hung her head. “Perhaps this was inevitable. We’ve both wanted different things our whole lives.”
He shook her gently, sensing he was losing her. “No, we haven’t. We’ve always wanted to be in each other’s lives. We love each other now more than ever, and people who love each other find a way to forge a future together. That’s what I want with you. That’s what I’ve been trying to drill into your thick head.”
Her eyes flashed, but she didn’t respond.
“You need to think about what I said,” he told her, releasing her. “And I’ll think about what you said. Lucy, I mean it, the situation with your vision doesn’t matter to me. All I want is to be with you, share Danny with you, and make a family with you. I’d like to stay here, but I’m willing to talk about that.”
From the shuttered look on her face, he knew she didn’t believe him.
“I know you’re scared I’m asking you to give up on yourself, but I’m not. The truth is that I plan to bring my lawn chair to your game of life and cheer you on like I cheer for Danny at T-ball. I want you to remember that.”
He made himself kiss her on the forehead and walk out of the kitchen.
CHAPTER THIRTY-ONE
After a sleepless night, Lucy decided to pay a visit to the man who would understand her the best: Arthur Hale. So, after drinking her morning coffee, she drove to the office of the newspaper that had helped steer her course.
Main Street was bustling with pedestrians enjoying the warm fall day as she walked toThe Western Independent,mulling over her conundrum all the while. She knew that Andy loved her —she really did. But while he said he understood her, she still didn’t believe he fully comprehended how integral being an international photojournalist was to her sense of self.
His talk of marriage had been so unexpected, and it had…well, she’d pretty much freaked out. How had conservative Andy Hale, who’d always approached relationships so carefully all his life, thrown this curveball at her?
