Page 93 of The Calendar of New Beginnings
Ah, that sweet woman. Lucy wiped at more tears running down her face.
“But Kim also wanted me to know how happy she wasthat I’d found love again. With you. I didn’t need her blessing—she gave it to me in the letter you read—but it still feels…pretty darn great to have it.”
Lucy could tell the last pinches of guilt he had felt about moving forward with his life had dissolved on the way to her house. It was no wonder their lovemaking tonight had taken them to a whole new level of love and connection.
“I’m so happy for you,” she said, tracing his chest. “And for Danny. I’m glad he still has his mom in some form.”
“You really believe it?” he asked.
“I really do. The things I’ve seen overseas… I believe in spirits. I’ve even felt a few of them help me in moments of danger. Call them angels or whatever you’d like, but there was something there. I don’t think I’d still be here otherwise. Plus, they say kids are so much more open to the otherworldly than adults.”
He was nodding. “I’m going to tell my rational mind to take a hike and simply say thank you. I know what I want to believe.”
She kissed his cheek. “Good plan.”
“Now,” he said, turning on his side so they were facing each other, “why don’t you tell me about what happened between you and your mom?”
Her mouth parted. “Who told you? You mother?”
“She’s the one spending the night at my house to give us some extra time together,” he said, giving her a knowing look.
“Oh.”She’d assumed someone was babysitting, and it made sense April would have interceded after their earlier discussion in the kitchen.
“Yeah.Oh.”
“It wasn’t pretty,” she began. “I was trying to get ridof all my negative energy before I came over. It was…taking a while.”
Talking about the fight pretty much erased her earlier sensation of floating in the clouds. Plunging to earth again sucked, and her nerves were stretched tight again by the time she finished.
“Are you going to tell me it wasn’t one of my better moments?” she asked.
“Would I do that?” he asked, a smile tugging at his lips.
“Yes.”
“But gently, I’d like to think.” He rubbed her arm. “So you both said some pretty tough things to each other. What do you plan to do about it?”
She’d thought about that all afternoon. Of course, she’d been mad enough to want to throw things and cheer as they shattered. But that didn’t exactly make her feel proud or mature, and really, it was her heart that was shattering. That was nothing to cheer about.
“My mom doesn’t like me,” she whispered, feeling the pain spread to her bones. “And I don’t like her. I know that’s a terrible thing to say, but it’s true. I’m not even sure we love each other anymore. Otherwise, how could we have said those things to each other?”
His sigh was heartfelt. “I’m not saying it’s the same situation, but sometimes I think that way about my dad too.”
“You mean the asshole who didn’t treat your mother right?” she asked in an impassioned voice.
He gave her a bland look, but his eyes wrinkled with humor.
“So I might still have a lot of anger inside me,” she explained, not that she needed to.
“Good to see you’re not repressing it,” he said with a wry smile. “I don’t know what to tell you, Luce. I do believeyour mother loves you. She just doesn’t love you like you want her to.”
How was that love? “She doesn’tseeme. Not for who I really am.” She punched the pillow in defeat. “And that means she’s loving some version of me that I’m not. That’s why she gets so mad when I don’t live up to her expectations. I’ve thought about little else since she stormed out. She thought I came home because I finally decided my career was too dangerous—something she’s been saying for years.”
She waited for him to comment, but he didn’t.
“And in coming home, she hoped I’d go back to being some silly girl who only wants to experience the fun side of life.”
“You were never a silly girl,” Andy told her, cupping her face. “You organized a student protest to raise awareness about female genital mutilation when we were juniors in high school.”
