Page 80 of The Calendar of New Beginnings
She rested her head on his shoulder when he wrapped his arms around her. “It’s fine. But I didn’t love them. I cared…in my own way, and there was always kindness and respect.”
But they would have more than that. “You know I love you, right? That being with me isn’t going to be that simple.” Not after Kim, who had shown him how beautiful sex could be.
“You never were one to settle for half measures,” she said softly, tracing his chest.
“Neither are you,” he answered, sweeping his hand up and down her back in a soothing motion.
“I can’t promise what the future will hold, Andy. I’m just not sure yet. If that bothers you, maybe we shouldn’t have sex. I…dammit, I don’t want to hurt you.”
She didn’t include herself, but he knew she could be hurt too, and that it worried her. “I want to make love with you, and…I’d rather do it without any barriers between us. Would you be willing to go on the Pill? That is, if you’re not already.”
Silence hung heavy in the air.
“I’m not right now,” she said, trying to inject a trace ofhumor in her voice, but it fell flat. “I have heard it’s nicer that way. But it will take a month to become fully effective, as you know.”
“We can use condoms until then,” he said, setting her back from him so he could look into her eyes. “And it is better without them. But it’s going to be magical either way, Lucy. That I can promise you.”
She cocked her eyebrow. “How can you tell? Do you have some magic sex crystal ball?”
Refusing to be baited, he brought her hand to his heart. If he had to be the one to put it out there, he would. “I love you. I want you. Making love with you couldn’t be anything but magical.”
This time an anguished breath crested out, telling him she couldn’t hold back the emotion rising inside her. “I love you too. I’m just…a little scared. Don’t laugh.”
His heart rolled over. “I know. Lucy, trust me. It’s going to be okay. And it’s not going to keep you from making your own decisions about the future or taking the photos you love.” He loved her too much not to say it, especially after seeing the joy she’d felt after today’s photo shoot.
“I don’t mean to hurt you,” she said, wrapping her arms around him. “My career is who I am.”
He wasn’t sure of that anymore. She’d always been Lucy to him, not some famous photographer. But she wasn’t ready to hear that yet.
“I want you to be who you are,” he said, kissing her softly on the lips. “You’re the one I love. You’re the one I want. Even if I am afraid of what will happen between us if you leave.”
She startled against his mouth, and he could hear her wondering whether he was talking about the long-term again, and perhaps he was. They were so good together,and she got along so well with Danny. And while he wasn’t sure where things were going, he was close to being sure about where he wanted them to go. Real close.
“Blake has a cabin in Vail,” Andy said, forging ahead as she sat back. “I thought it might be nice for us to get away for the weekend. I want our first time to be special, and this way, I can wake up with you and give you my full attention all weekend. I’ve never spent two nights apart from Danny since Kim died, and I think it’s time.”
While she was trying to disguise the exaggerated cadence of her breath, it was unmistakable. “Are you sure you’re okay with leaving him like that? I know it’s a big step for you.”
It was a big step, but he’d realized it was the healthy thing to do. “It’s not like he won’t have a blast with his aunts and uncles or my mother. Since Kim died, I might have gotten overly…ah…attentive to him. It was a lot of pressure at first, worrying about being a father and mother to him. But he’s fine, and I need to have my own life outside of being a father and a doctor. I’m more than that.”
She looked down suddenly.
“I wasn’t talking about you,” he said, but he felt like he might have been. A little.
“All right,” she said with a no-nonsense nod. “I’ll make a doctor’s appointment this week and get tested and…go on the Pill. Will you…ah…buy the condoms?”
He nodded. His relief was tremendous. If she was taking this step, she was still committed to exploring this blossoming thing between them. “If you know you have a clean bill of health, you don’t have to worry about the tests.”
“It’s important to you,” she said evenly, “and it’s easy enough to do when I go in.”
Silence hovered between them.
“So…we’re really doing this finally,” she said. “Lucy O’Brien is going to get it on with Andy Hale.”
Her teasing was starting to annoy him, but he told himself to be patient. She was still scared of what was happening between them, and if he were being honest, so was he.
He made his mouth curve. “Seems so,” he said.
CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO
