Page 68 of The Calendar of New Beginnings
Her brow furrowed, and then she cuddled closer.
“What’s the matter?” he asked, wrapping his arms around her.
“The earth just shook,” she said matter-of-factly. “Didn’t you feel it?”
“Itwasa great kiss,” he said, happy to feel a smile cross his face after so much turmoil. “But the earth shaking? You flatter me.”
She sat up straighter on his lap. “That’s not what I meant. It shook because it was a big decision—for both of us. Andy, I already love you, and this just strengthens everything. It scares me. I don’t want…”
His heart clutched, as much from her profession of love—he knew how she felt, but after kissing her, it struck adifferent chord in him—as from the regret lacing her voice. “What?”
“I don’t want to need you,” she whispered, “and feeling like this when I already care about you so much and respect you and enjoy spending time with you…”
Being with Kim had taught Andy that needing someone didn’t have to be a bad thing. “You’re looking at it differently than I do. It’s not needing. It’s only enjoying someone more than you enjoy other people.”
She took a moment. “I like that. Andy, so much in my life has changed recently, and here we are in my new kitchen in Dare Valley. We’ve known each other our whole lives, but I’m sitting on your lap, and we just kissed for the first time. I feel like everything I thought I knew is falling away.”
“Our bond might be changing,” he said, his voice deep, “but it isn’t falling away.”
“I know it was only our first kiss—I’m not counting the earlier one, by the way—but it was a big moment for both of us.”
He was glad she understood. “The biggest. I need you to read something.” He carefully pulled a letter out of his pocket and handed it to her, his gut gripping with tension. “Natalie is the only other person who’s read this. I showed it to her to encourage her to be with Blake. But after what just happened between us, I…want you…to read it.”
“Okay,” she said quietly, opening the letter slowly. “Oh…my. It’s from Kim.” Her gaze shot to him, searching his face.
He swallowed thickly. “Yeah…it’s from Kim.”
She bit her lip, and he knew why. Kim’s words did that to him every time he had the courage to read them. Of course, he knew them all by heart now.
Dear Andy,
I asked you to open this letter today because it’s now been a year since my death. I can’t imagine what you’ve been through. After I learned I was sick, I would lie in our bed at night listening to you breathe and try and imagine how I would feel if you were the one who had cancer and died, leaving me alone with Danny. Even though imagining it created the most incredible agony inside me, the reality is probably much worse.
I knew it would hurt you too much if I tried to talk to you about finding someone else to love after losing me, so that’s why I wrote this letter. A part of you probably still feels bound by the vows we made even though I’m not there anymore. While you may not want to hear it, and honestly I don’t want to say it, I want you to find someone else to love.
You won’t rush. That much I know. Heck, you didn’t even rush when we first started dating and were so hot for each other. You always take your time. That’s why you were meant to be a doctor. With every relationship, it’s like you are always monitoring the vitals, the progress, looking for a change in the status.
I won’t tell you to choose a good mother for Danny because I know you will. I won’t even tell you to choose someone who makes you laugh because you’ll find the right person for you. And why do I believe that? Because I believe in angels, and when I get to heaven and it’s the right time, I’m going to ask Godto let me come back and help you find the next woman of your heart.
I only ask that you let me.
This is hard to write, and I’m crying, partly because I know you’re probably crying as you read this. But you’ll know when you’re ready to start being open again, putting yourself out there. As someone who had the privilege of being loved by you, no one knows better how much love you have to give.
Give it, my love, when the time comes.
I’ll be there, rooting you on, wishing you every happiness always.
I love you,
Kim
“Do you go to pieces every time you read this?” Lucy asked, handing him the letter and wiping at the tears swimming down his face.
He slipped the letter back into his jacket, feeling the love in it against his rapidly beating heart. “Yeah, but I needed you to know…oh God…that you helped me open my heart again. And that Kim is rooting for you and me. Things will only get easier from here.”
“Will they?” she asked, searching his face. “I just read one of the most heartbreaking and brave letters imaginable after hearing you say youloveme.”
He had to grip his knees to control the trembling of his hands.
