Page 40 of The Calendar of New Beginnings
She didn’t know any other way. “You said you were at your mother’s earlier. I’m guessing you talked about the calendar?”
“Yeah. I decided I needed to confront her.” He kicked at the rug again. “I hate how much my family worries about me. Did you know that Blake wouldn’t tell me the real reason Natalie left him because I was too mired down in my own grief?”
“What was the real reason?”
“It doesn’t matter,” he said, throwing his arms out. “The point is that everyone in the family knew but me. If I’dknown, I would have talked to Natalie. I would have told her she was making a mistake, and maybe they wouldn’t have lost so much time together.”
There was too much missing from that story for her to parse it right now, and she wanted to get to the core of what was bothering him. “What’s really the matter here, Andy? Because I’m not following you all the way.”
He blew out an aggrieved breath. “I don’t know. I’m just…tired of people not talking to me about what really matters. I suppose I’m saying you’re the only one who does, and I…I appreciate that. Even if you didn’t initially tell me about what happened to you.”
She ran her finger along the edge of the bedframe. “I don’t think that’s what you’re saying.”
His gaze met hers.
“I think,” she continued, “you’re angry at yourself for not saying how you feel about things or asking…uncomfortable questions. Like why Natalie really left Blake. Or how you felt about your mom’s health scare. You’re mad at yourself for letting them protect you.”
He closed his eyes briefly, his pain obvious.
“Or why she couldn’t tell you she had a lump in the first place,” she finished, knowing she needed to say it. “I didn’t tell you about my accident mostly because I didn’t wantanyoneto worry. It’s important for you to know that.”
Since he looked like he’d lost a patient at the hospital, she pointed to a place on the bed beside her.
“Come over here,” she ordered, “and don’t get all weird on me.”
He kicked his shoes off like the responsible guy he was and sank onto the bed next to her. “This mattress is terrible.”
“It’s better than most of the ones I had overseas,” shesaid, scooting closer. “And don’t change the subject. You’re worried you’ve closed yourself off to the people you love and their problems.”
“Crap,” he said, leaning back on an elbow. “I really am. I keep letting them down.”
“Be nice to yourself,” she said, playfully socking his arm. “You were dealing with your own stuff. Losing Kim was horrible. I can’t even imagine how horrible. They were trying to protect you. All you did was let them.”
He gazed at her with hope in his sad eyes, which looked more dark brown than hazel to her now.
“It doesn’t mean you stopped loving them, Andy. So lighten up.”
She gave him a gentle nudge in the shoulder for good measure, which made him smile.
“All right, I’m lightening up,” he said, nudging her back. “Just so we’re clear, I’m expecting you to let me know how things are going because I care about you.”
“I know you do. And I care about you.” Care was a tame word, but after the earlier bed weirdness, she wasn’t about to say she loved him. Even so, she couldn’t deny that part of her had no trouble seeing him as an attractive man resting on her bed. It had been a long time since she’d had anyone in her bed, and okay, she could admit it…here be weirdness.
“You have this look on your face,” he said, touching the tip of her nose. “Now who’s getting weird?”
“Fine,” she shot out. “I was just thinking I haven’t had an attractive man in my bed in some time. How’s that for weird?”
He pursed his lips for a moment. “I was just thinking that I haven’t sat on another woman’s bed since before I starteddating Kim.”
She made her mouth drop open in horror. “My God, that’s like over a decade ago.”
The snort he gave made it easier for her to shake off this…this whatever was going on with her. He made no move to stand up, so she simply crossed her legs lotus-style on the bed.
“Are you over being angry with yourself?” she asked.
He nodded.
“Do you want to cuddle now?” She bit the inside of her cheek to keep from laughing.
