Page 35 of The Calendar of New Beginnings
“Mom, we need to talk about it,” he said, and she turned around so quickly, the wine sloshed a little in her glass.
He took it from her and led the way to the kitchen table. She kept an array of bright tablecloths on it now, but when they were growing up, the bare surface had played host to a record number of ketchup stains and spilled milk. He and his siblings used to finish their homework at this table after their afternoon snack. Once complete, they’d packed uptheir individual book bags and gone outside to play. Usually, Lucy was waiting for him in the yard because she always finished her homework faster than anyone alive.
“Lucy said you were afraid you’d stir me up with this calendar,” he said after they both sat down. Reaching for the clenched hand in her lap, he said, “Mom, it’s not the calendar. We…never talked about how I reacted when you told me about the lump in your breast.”
She looked down, not meeting his gaze.
“Hearing you had a lump—even a benign one…” For a man who said and read the wordbenignmore than the average citizen, it stuck in his throat like a wishbone.
“It scared the shit out of me, Mom.”
She didn’t rebuke him for his language. She only gripped his hand tighter.
“I can’t imagine how scared you must have been too. And I know why you kept it from me at first. From all of us. I’m so glad Natalie found out like she did, because I’m not sure you would have told us otherwise.”
Her lips formed a tight line before she said, “No, I wouldn’t have.”
He scooted his chair closer until their knees met. “That’s why I’m here. Mom, what happened to Kim was horrible. There are no words to describe what her loss meant to me and what it still means to me. But you’remy mom…”
Crap. He swiped at the tears gathering in his eyes with his free hand. She sniffed, but didn’t let her tears fall.
“You’re my mom,” he continued, trying to breathe. “We’re supposed to support each other. And I’m afreakingdoctor. If I can’t help my own mom when she gets a call from her doctor saying they found a lump in her breast, whatgood am I?”
She cupped his cheek like he was a little boy again, and his heart broke clean in half.
“What good are you?” she asked with a soft smile. “You’re the most amazing man I could ever imagine, and the bonus is you’re my son. You were dealt a blow that would turn most people bitter, and yet you continue to be a bright, shining light. Not just for this family, but for your beautiful son and everyone else in this town, including your patients.”
“Ah…Mom,” he said hoarsely, totally at sea with his emotions.
“Andy Michael Hale, from the time Dr. Getties put you in my arms, you have been a miracle to me and everyone around you. But my health is my health. I dismissed telling you all about the lump initially since I had Ellen to lean on. A mother doesn’t want to worry her children needlessly.”
Needlessly? “But Mom?—”
“Andy, I know you are still grieving over Kim. That you’re doing the best you can. I admire the hell out of you for it. But if you think I would add one more worry or hurt to all the ones you already carry…” This time her voice broke. “I’m not sure I would have told any of you about the scare even if Kimhadn’tpassed away.”
He narrowed his eyes at her. “That’s just crap.”
“I mean it, mister,” she said, narrowing hers back in return. “You’re a parent. There are things you don’t share with Danny.”
“He’s a kid,” he protested, reaching for his beer and taking a fortifying drink.
“And you’remykid,” she said, her face filled with love. “That never changes. No matter how old you get.”
He sat back, drinking his beer. She didn’t let go of his hand, but took a sip of her wine as well.
“I hear you,” hefinally said. “But I don’t want you to ever think you can’t come to us for support. You’re our mom, and we love you more than anything. Promise me you won’t keep something this serious from us again.”
He didn’t want to say so out loud, but she’d done the same thing about her marital problems with their father. One day, after nearly forty years of marriage, she’d up and walked out, saying their father wasn’t interested in being married anymore. Unfortunately, she’d been right.
“I won’t make a promise like that, Andy,” she said quietly.
Her eyes entreated him to understand. But he’d also learned a thing or two at her feet. “Mom, Ineedto be there for you.”
“Youare, honey,” she said, setting her wine glass aside and cupping his cheek again. “But I’m not your responsibility. You only feel that way because of all the pressure your father and I put on you as the eldest child in the family. I don’t want to repeat past mistakes. You’re a man with his own family. I can take care of myself.”
“No one doubts your ability to take care of yourself, Mom. That’s not what this is about.”
“Then?” she asked, searching his face. “You’re afraid to fail me like you feel you failed Kim.”
