Page 111 of The Calendar of New Beginnings
“Lucy,” he said in a deep voice. “I know you still don’t believe I understand what your career means to you, but I do. I want you to be who you are. It’s who I love. Your work is important.”
She was too moved to speak.
“I hoped showing this to you would help you understand that I mean that,” he said, taking her hand and putting it on his heart. “I want you to have everything you could ever want. I just hope that will include me.”
Hope was shining in his eyes, as bright as the stars over the savannah. She could see he meant it. A surge of emotion pushed through her chest, and for a moment, she couldn’t breathe. Everything felt like it was crumbling again, but she wasn’t scared.
Arthur had helped her bring the old frame through which she had seen herself and her relationships into full focus. But now it was starting to crack and fall away, like an old camera lens dropped on the ground. She tightened her grip on Andy’s hand.
“Andy, I’m not afraid anymore either,” she said as soon as she could talk again. “I want it to include you. And Danny and the rest of our family.”
His other hand came up and cupped her cheek. “You have no idea how happy that makes me,” he said,wiping more tears away from her eyes. “Okay, go ahead and turn the page.”
Turn the page? She was almost too lost in the moment to register the words. “I love you.”
His face softened. “And I love you. Let’s move on to August.”
Since he was being so unusually insistent, she went ahead and did as he’d suggested. Then she laughed. “Oh, I see how it goes.”
“I wanted to make sure you understand I have another purpose outside of the home too.”
The photo was of him sitting beside an elderly woman, who was hooked up to all sorts of tubes and IVs. Her face was taut with pain, but she was smiling weakly at Andy.
“That’s Mrs. Grayer,” he told her. “I asked her if Moira could take this picture yesterday when I was doing rounds. She has stage four lung cancer, and she knows she isn’t going to make it. I was talking with her about hospice.”
Looking at the photo again, she noticed the compassion and sadness on his face. “I’m so sorry.”
“Yeah, me too. She’s a really nice lady. Has fifteen grandkids, all of whom are decimated at the thought of losing their nana.” He took a breath. “I included this photo because I want you to know that sometimes I bring work home with me. Emotionally. I try not to. I didn’t always tell Kim about the bad cases. There was this one time the medics brought in a three-year-old who’d been run over by a car…”
She gripped his hand. “I want you to tell me about those days,” she said, realizing they were making a pact of sorts.
“And I want you to tell me about hiding from soldiers who are shooting street children,” he said in a harsh tone. “Ican’t guarantee it won’t upset me because that’s fucking awful, and I love you. I’ll worry too, but I’ll manage it.”
“Deal,” she said, giving him an encouraging smile.
“Seems we’re making some progress here,” he said with an answering smile. “Turn the next page.”
She did, and that’s when everything inside her exploded anew. September displayed two half-eaten ice cream cones resting on an outdoor table.
“And when we do have bad days or bad moments,” he said softly, “we’re going to share our ice cream cones because that’s what partners do.”
“I like the sound of that.”
“And if you’re on assignment, I’m going to send you ice cream emoticons over Skype or something until you come home.”
Home. For so long it had been something other people had. She leaned over and kissed him on the mouth. “Thank you for believing I’ll be able to return to what I love. I talked to Arthur yesterday, and he helped me see that I may feel differently about my lifestyle than I did before. I won’t want to spend as much time in the field as I used to because…”
Oh, this was hard to admit.
“Because I didn’t have anything to come home to before,” she said, still feeling the barbs of that revelation.
“But you do now,” he said, cheering her up like the best friend he was.
“Yeah,” she whispered. “I have you, and I’m so grateful, Andy.”
“I am too,” he said and leaned in to kiss her back.
Their lips met, and everything inside her settled into a new alignment. It was like her heart was a camera lens, and she’d finally found the best setting for her life. It was with him. She could already imagine the photos this newlens would help her take. Ones that involved family time and new babies and quiet strolls through town while one of their parents watched the children.
