Page 58 of Brooke
A battle Sawyer knew well. Otherwise, he wouldn’t still be fighting with himself about being an artist. “Since the moment Brooke called me and told me Nanine was in the hospital, my heart has been demanding it be given the lead over my life. Nanine’s situation gave me an excuse to stay and pick up the longing of my soul again, one I was too cowardly to follow before.”
“When you listen to the heart’s dictates, you may be led touncharted territory, but I comfort myself with the knowledge that there is always a way to follow, much like my Viking ancestors followed the stars when they were at sea, sometimes ones unknown to them. There are no new discoveries in life when one sticks to the same path.”
Sawyer took another sip, his insides still feeling like they’d been on that Viking ship Axel had mentioned. “No, but conformity and the people who encourage it hold great power in the world.”
“Only if you let them.” Axel sat up and met his gaze straight on. “To them I also say, ‘Fuck off.’ Because they can’t know the dictates of my heart, and imposing their opinions and will on me is a grave offense, one I believe they will be held accountable for. By the fates, the gods, or whatever else holds the Universe together. But that’s a darker part of my psyche perhaps.”
“We all have them.” He gave a laugh. “Didn’t I say in Drink and Divulge that I’d be okay with a parent going into a coma if they’d wake up different? Sometimes I wonder about leading a solitary life. Retreating into the countryside like artists of the past and simply painting.”
“You are too sociable for that. You would never have become friends with your roommates if you truly wanted that.”
“A wise observation.” He finished his cognac, savoring the burn. “Well, I should let you get back to things. Thanks for letting me come over like this.”
Axel finished his drink as well and stood, possibly the tallest person Sawyer had ever met in person. “You are always welcome. I am honored you would listen to me as a critic. I mean that, Sawyer. I know how hard it can be to share one’s vision with another. When I was first starting out, I would imagine my arms as blocks of wood as I carried my plans to a client to keep them from shaking. If you listen to your heart, the journey becomes easier.”
He ran a hand through his wild curly hair. “God, I hope so. Because at this rate, I’m going to go gray early. Yesterday I thought I saw a gray hair at my temple. But it was a flicker of light, thank God.”
“Or a deep fear realized.” Axel walked over to the painting, his head tilted in quiet study. “That your passion for art will age you. That this very expression will suck out your soul. Why not throw out the tortured artist program and let your gift and calling embolden your youthful passions instead?”
Sawyer couldn’t help it. He gave in to a barrage of cynical laughter.
Axel turned back to gaze at him, his eyebrows raised.
“Youthful?” Sawyer gave a derisive snort. “Thirty is the transition point to put away youth and turn to whatever kind of experience we might have stumbled across into freaking wisdom.”
“I disagree,” Axel volleyed back, “and I am a little older than you. The heart keeps us young as we cultivate its wisdom. But you will see as you travel. I hope I am around to see how your journey goes.”
Sawyer thrust out his hand, feeling the urge to cement the moment with the usual masculine acknowledgment. “So do I, actually.”
Gathering up his painting, he was beset with a new sense of delight. She was good. His Nanine wasgood.Worthy of being in the restaurant, according to someone Sawyer trusted to know. God, he couldn’t wait to see Nanine’s face when he gave it to her. Or the others. They were going to go out of their minds.
He carefully packed it back up and then walked with Axel to the door. Sawyer paused and glanced back. “If you decorate our house anything like you’ve done your own, we’re going to be really lucky. I didn’t have a chance to look around much since my head was going crazy, but the wayyou blended those greens and the offsetting and complementary lines you used caught my attention even in my wild state.”
“Thank you.” He bowed slightly. “Brooke and I will come up with something spectacular. You can be sure of it.”
The easy way he’d included Brooke in his plans was another point in his favor. He wasn’t an egomaniac genius, fixated on doing everything his way. “I can’t wait to see it. Speaking of which… I’d be honored if you would work with Brooke to design anything extra for my studio.”
Axel’s brow rose. “Your trust is an honor, and you will of course have approval over everything we come up with.”
So different than coming home from school and finding his room had been redone and knowing his mother didn’t care that he hated the beige of the walls or his new trundle bed or even the sleek shoe rack she’d insisted would help him organize his closet. “I like that best of all.”
“Don’t think. First color that comes to mind…”
A blast of harvest gold filled his vision. “Ah…”
“Don’t judge it. What did you see?”
“Harvest gold, which is weird, because I really love greens and browns?—”
“Like I said, all of you are in transition.”
Suddenly his stomach was jumping. “Notthatmuch.”
Axel laughed. “As a painter, you should know not to judge a color. Also, I’d like to enlist you in my research for the design.”
He started a bit. “What do you want?”
“You sound suspicious.” He slapped him on the back companionably, making Sawyer aware of his large hands. Dude could palm a basketball. “I was hoping you might sketch your roommates as they hang around the house together. Also alone. Whatever captures your imagination. My view into the house is very limited since I’m not one of you, and you have a powerful way of telling a story throughyour art. Like with Nanine here. I feel like I already know something of her.”
