Page 37 of Brooke
When she reached her room, she went to her bed and sat down. Clenching her hands into fists, she struggled with the vise grabbing her throat. Why did she feel like shit? Because of a stupid question? What was wrong with her?
Then her eyes tracked to Axel’s flowers and the matching cloth that had come wrapped around each. She still didn’t know the significance of his choices. Why these? What did he see? She knew about the spiral, but these symbolized something too, something powerful that she was missing.
But after the way she’d avoided his question, did he still want to keep looking at her? God, here she was giving away her power after she’d promised herself she wouldn’t…
She fisted up a handful of duvet and gripped it with all her might, telling herself to stop this, stop it right now.
A gentle knock had her startling in place. She took a breath before rising and opening the door. Axel stood there, his glacier blue eyes scanning her face.
“My question was not designed to create agony for you,” he said, quietly filling the doorway, his blond hair looking darker in the muted light of the hallway.
“But it was a test, right?” She could feel the hot burn of emotion in the back of her throat. “You wanted me to say yes, didn’t you? That I wanted love that much.”
When he didn’t answer, she didn’t know what to do. So she swung around and jabbed her finger at the flowers.
“I wanted to say yes. For you—because I like being with you and I like how you see me. But earlier I felt like shit for saying the wrong answer. And it wasn’t a fair question. Why can’t there be love just because? Why all the pain and torture? Surely that isn’t a better love. Oh, forget what I said. I’m…not myself.” She stalked over to the bureau drawer where she kept the sleep mask and yanked it out.
He journeyed into the room, so soft-footed the floorboards didn’t even groan beneath his weight. “I think youareyourself, Brooke. The one in transition like the others. And there was no right or wrong answer to my question.”
She swung around and stared at him for a beat before thrusting her hand out at him. “But the light in your eyes dimmed after I gave my answer. I saw it. I disappointed you.”
Suddenly, she wondered if she’d disappointed herself, which only made her bite her cheek, angry at herself.
He came forward and took her shoulders gently. “No, Brooke. What you saw was my sadness that the question upset you. That you believed there was a right answer. For you are correct. Why does love have to require sacrifice? The answer is individual. Brooke, what saddened me was that you think you still must say the right thing or do the right thing for someone to love you.”
She had to swing around, away from him, because suddenly she felt like a newly born chick emerging from the shell when all she wanted to do was grab those pieces and glue them back together.
“You are absolutely right, Brooke.” His voice was whisper-soft. “Loveislove. It doesn’t need to be earned. I thought you should hear the words from my lips before I departed.”
Pressing her hands tightly to her sides, she turned around. Because she wasn’t a chick. She was a grown woman. “I must seem like an idiot right now.”
He shook his head, the strain around his mouth evident. “Not at all. You are someone who was hurt deeply by someone you thought loved you—or was supposed to. All the difference in the world.”
She thought of her mother first and then Adam. “Despite how much I work at it—every damn day, it seems—that feeling is always there.”
Extending his large hand to her, he held her gaze. “Perhaps you will let me help you vanquish that dragon.”
The trembling that rocked through her body made her lips quiver. “You still want me?” she asked before she could snatch back the question.
God, how needy could she be? She’d have to research more tools for her daily routine. Her current ones clearly weren’t cutting it.
He didn’t move toward her at first, but his massive frame seemed to take up her whole vision as he extended his hand yet again. “Oh, Brooke. I hope someday you will never wonder such a question. With me or anyone. I meant everything I’ve said. We have much to experience together. If you will share your dragons with me. But you have to let me, Brooke.”
She suddenly remembered his earlier comment about his own shame. He’d said he’d been unable to help someone he cared about. Wasn’t she putting him in that same place? Grabbing his hand tightly, she walked toward him.
“I want to, even though we’ve only met, and that’s a big step for me.” Her voice sounded as thin and wispy as tulle and she had to force compassion for herself. “I rarely show my weaknesses to anyone. Hell, I rarely admit I have any.”
“They’re only human feelings, Brooke.” He kissed the back of her hand, his grip strong and assuring. “When we look on them as weaknesses, we give them power. We shame ourselves.”
She let him draw her to the hard wall of his chest. His arms wrapped her up in a warm embrace, and she pressed her face against the soft wool of his cream sweater, feeling his heart beating riotously inside him. So he wasn’t all calm and collected, after all. She was glad she wasn’t the only one whose insides were shaking like light fixtures on a rocky boat.
“I see you still have my gift,” he observed, kissing the top of her head.
“Since it was one of the most beautiful I’ve ever received, you’d better believe it.” She pressed back so she could see his face. The almost unearthly beauty of it nearly stole her breath. “Can you tell me why you sent what you did?”
He lifted his hand and caressed her cheek so softly her heart ached. “The white hydrangeas with silk are because you are a woman who is showy and commanding yet commands an old-world elegance. The wine-colored roses with velvet are because I believe you to be deeply passionate. And lastly, the orange poppies with organdy are because deep inside you there is a dreamy romantic woman who is soft yet resilient, for poppies are tenuous yet also untamed. They return only when and wheretheywant to, as anyone who has ever tried to grow them knows. You are all those things and so much more.”
She was all that?
