Page 24 of A Very Un-Shakespeare Romance
“Check out her litterbox. I’m not sure how she stole your shorts, but I don’t think you’re going to want them back now.”
“That damn cat was sleeping with Cassidy when I checked.” He strode into the laundry room and stopped short, horrified by the sight of his black shorts, scratched up and covered in cat shit. “Dammit! That fu—”
“Language,” Tim called, coming to stand beside him. “Look, it’s not uncommon for cats to get like this when their normal routine is upset. Plus, you tossed Miss Purrfect off the couch last night when we started watchingThe Little Mermaid.”
God, like he needed to be reminded of that sing-along nightmare. “Because that feline is an animal, not a person.” He ground his teeth. “Tim, I’ve been more than patient with the girls…”
His brother’s mouth twitched. “I knew you were reaching deep yesterday when Cassidy insisted you put a bow in your hair. For the fourth time.”
“Well, Billie can’t seem to get it right, so I did what I had to do.” They both snorted at that. “But, Tim, I can’t take a bad-tempered cat. After this, I want to throw it outside and be done with it.”
Tim put an easy hand on his shoulder, giving him those understandingI’m a good listenereyes that probably rocked his girlfriend’s world. “I know you do. Billie would agree. He and Miss Purrfect had a standoff in the bathroom at lunch when the cat wandered in while he was taking a piss. He didn’t like that the cat was standing there watching, and when he tried to slam the door in the cat’s face, it sprayed him. He didn’t say anything, but he bitched to me about it stinking to high heaven.”
“That’s why you sprayed Febreze upstairs.” Robbie turned around and marched to the stairs. “Okay, that’s it. We will not be terrorized by some—”
“Those girls love that cat, Robbie,” Tim said softly behind him. “It’s all they have of home right now besides each other.”
He halted, fists clenched at his sides. Guilt broke through the concrete around his heart. “It needs to learn a lesson in manners.”
“My girlfriend has a cat, so trust me when I say you can’t win a power game with a cat.”
Robbie throttled back his anger. “Fine. When you’re right, you’re right, but something’s gotta change. For Billie too.”
“Don’t I know it. Why do you think I put her in with Cassidy last night?”
“And yet it managed to steal my shorts and shit on them while I was asleep.” He shot his brother a look. “Wait. Is a kid sleeping with a cat even sanitary? It’s not on Tara’s list. You read it, right?”
“We’ll take Cassidy into the ocean today if she’s covered in cat hair, don’t worry, and of course I read Tara’s instructions.” He detoured to the kitchen, so Robbie followed. “Billie, not so much. Have your coffee. You’ll feel more human.”
How could he feel human when that cat had somehow gotten the slip on him and snuck into his room and stolen his underwear?
“No, I’m going for a run.” He ran his frustrated hand through his hair. “Billie had me this close to agreeing to go out with those women next door to let off some steam last night after hearing you guys singing along to every freaking song in that really disturbed movie.”
“The Little Mermaidis a classic, and honestly, it’s better that they’re singing than crying. Don’t you think?”
Who said his baby brother didn’t know when to go for the jugular?
“You win that point. Tim, I don’t know how people do this. From the moment they wake up, it’s nonstop. Where is Cassidy running off to? Is she sticking something in her mouth? Is she trying to drown in the ocean? What accessory does Reagan want to put on her Barbie? What do they want to eat? What do they want to play? I swear, I’m starting to agree with Billie. If I was in a relationship, I’d make an appointment for a vasectomy.”
Tim was trying not to laugh. “Easier ways to prevent kids than having someone go in with scissors and stop your swimmers. But your call. I personally like being around the girls. They’re like my seniors in some ways. Erratic, yet very dear. Innocent, yet so wise. Demanding, yet easy as all get-out. Yesterday afternoon, Reagan and Cassidy were happy to have their feet in the air on the beach and laugh for ten minutes. Tell me that isn’t special.”
He leveled his brother a hard look, very much feeling like the old grouch he was so often accused of being. “I’m glad you think so, Tim. Personally I can’t believe we ever did that as kids. It’s a complete waste of time. Putting your legs in the air and laughing for no reason. What’s the point?”
“Go run!” Tim walked to the door and opened it. “You obviously need it. I’ll have pancakes and sausage waiting for you when you get back.”
Tim had been doing most of the cooking, being that he was the best cook of the bunch.
Robbie sighed. “Sorry I’m bitching. Thanks for cooking. I’ll…buy some hot dogs and burgers. We can grill tonight.”
“Sounds good. Watch out for jellyfish on the beach. Those onshore winds last night brought a bunch up with the tide. And I know how much you hate them.”
He didn’t just hate them. He loathed them. Why had God created something that could practically reduce a man to tears with one sting? Bees had nothing on jellyfish. “Yes, Mama. I’ll keep my eyes peeled. Oh, and Tim. Did you quote Shakespeare as you watched the sun rise this morning?” he asked, feeling the satisfying need to poke at his brother.
Tim flipped him the bird after looking around to make sure the girls weren’t there to witness it. “Yes, and I looked up some insults the girls wouldn’t understand. Don’t let this one hit you on the way out.I scorn you, scurvy companion.”
Nowthatwas what he was talking about. Brotherly baiting. A little roughhousing to start the day. Better than coffee. “Don’t you get scurvy from a lack of Vitamin C?” He lunged for his baby brother. “What am I, a pirate?”
Tim evaded him with the grace of a much-plagued younger brother and grabbed a chair for protection.“Out, damned spot.”
