Page 60 of After Indigo Irish Nights
Overhead, the indigo sky was filled with a million diamonds, and she tried to draw the beauty into herself. A blazing star fell from the sky, its brightness fading into nothing.
The sight of it only saddened her, as if something beautiful had winked out, vanishing from the universe.
She realized that was how she felt, as if her excitement and growing feelings for Declan had free-falled tonight. All day she’d been excited to see him, imagining their shoulders brushing as they laughed and talked with friends. Or what it would be like to sit on his lap as he’d suggested.
Then he’d up and left.
Sure, this Jimmy thing had thrown him for a loop, but did that matter? Axl had always insisted he had perfectly good reasons for treating her like shit too. After their breakup, she’d promised herself that she wouldn’t play second fiddle to anything ever again.
When she finally drove home, she rolled the window down. Back in Boston, she’d still be fighting traffic and angry drivers at this hour, which would have been a welcome distraction. Not here. Only the sound of some forlorn animal ruptured the night as she made her way along the narrow road with the rolling hills, some shadowed, some bright with brilliant moonlight, reminiscent of Sorcha’s dress.
At her cottage, the full force of her sadness wrapped around her like a hand-me-down coat, the kind that couldn’t keep the chill out. Her heart was cold, a thought that only made her sadder.
She fixed herself tea and was just about to text her brother to comfort herself when she heard the crunch of tires on the gravel drive outside her cottage. She knew that sound and who it belonged to. She went over her choices.
She could pretend she was asleep, but the light was on, so it might not work.
She could ignore the knock on the door when it came, and sure enough it did, the hard rap insistent in the quiet night.
Or she could answer it and let him see how his actions had affected her. How he reacted would be telling. It would help her decide whether she’d made a mistake with him. If so, better to know now so she could call it.
Straightening her spine, she chose that last option and hoped the ice around her heart would melt from the fire she had to gather to face him.
His face was all harsh angles in the moonlight when she opened the door.
“I’m sorry,” he said softly, nothing more.
A tightness gathered in her middle. She could barely take a breath. Was she going to accept this, only two simple words of contrition?
“You hurt me,” she managed to get out. “That’s hard to admit.”
He swallowed thickly. “You’re brave to tell me, but I already knew. How could I not when I know you? My only excuse is how much I was thrown off guard by the fighter Cormac found to face me. The news took over my mind to the exclusion of all else.”
She’d heard this before. “Can you tell me it won’t happen again?”
He laid his hand on the frame of the open door where they stood. “I want to tell you it won’t, down to my bones. I have history with this fighter, Kathleen. It’s powerful history. Ground I haven’t covered in a long time. I feel like I’m stuck in a bog right now, the muck gripping my feet, threatening to take me under. I’m fighting it with all my strength,mo chroí, and I’ll continue to fight. I only beg you to have patience.”
His voice was grave and a touch hoarse, and she discovered something she hadn’t known earlier—that compassion could melt the ice and warm her heart again.
“I will promise that I’ll do my best to ensure it won’t,” he continued. “That might not be enough for you, and if so, I’ll understand.”
His blue eyes lifted and met her gaze then, and in them, she saw both an entreaty and fear.
So he knew they were at a precipice.
That he was filled up to his ears with regret was obvious, but she made herself press him. “Do you want to call it?”
He cleared his throat. “No! God, no! How we’ve been, together, has been as beautiful and powerful as a sunrise over the sea. I don’t say words like that lightly. He stole something from me, Jimmy did, and I desperately want it back. This fight… It means everything to me. It’s a fight for my very self. But at the boxing club tonight, when I was shadowboxing Jimmy—hitting the bag and imagining it was him—I feared I wasn’t whole enough to continue to be with you as I’d been. As you deserve.”
That made tears burn her eyes. Axl had never said anything like this when he’d apologized. She could feel the remaining cold shattering inside her like ice in spring sunlight. “Oh, Declan. Don’t be stupid.”
His snort had him rubbing the tip of his nose. “Is that stupid?”
“Yeah, stupid. So you have an old foe to fight who’s got you doubting yourself and making you forget everything else. You’ll be riding that wave until you fight him, but you’ll still be you, the Declan I know, if you want to be. The question is, do you want to be? Because I like that Declan an awful lot. Not the one who up and left tonight. In fact, I’ve fallen for that other guy.”
She hadn’t imagined telling him how much she cared like this, but maybe it was fitting. Tough guys didn’t like Hallmark cards. Those sentiments were too banal for her and Declan.
After a moment, his mouth tipped up on the right, and a dimple appeared in his bruised cheek. “I might be stupid in some things, but I know myself. I’ve fallen for you as well. If you’ll forgive me, I’ll show you how much that Declan missed having you by his side tonight as he watched you beat his brother in a beer contest in front of the whole village.”
