Page 26 of Beside Golden Irish Fields
Emotion clogged her throat as she watched him stride off. He understood! This was what she kept trying to tell her mom and Angie when they told her not to remind Ollie he was supposed to be sad all the time. She couldn’t count the number of times her dad had told her to “buck up” when she was a kid, and it had always made her feel worse. He may have praised her for being “good,” but she knew what he really meant—weak.
Well, she was going to encourage her son to feel sad and not preempt his grief. “Wait!”
He turned around and smiled, saying nothing. Not pushing her. She appreciated it.
“Did your mother become overprotective when your dad died?”
“Is Irish weather changeable?” He laughed. “She had me, Rhys, and Wyatt go in for physicals. She didn’t want us to drive our motorcycles anymore. She sent us emails about heart-healthy diets. She—”
“I get the picture,” Megan finished, rubbing the tightness in her diaphragm. “That makes me feel better. Cousin Bets is usually so full of life. Fearless.”
He shook his head slightly. “I love my mum, but she’s human like the rest of us. Feeling vulnerable was a hard lesson for her. Personally, I’m glad I learned it young. Hurting doesn’t make a person weaker. Hurting just is, and there are a lot of things in life we have no control over no matter how hard we try.”
Raw pain was rising in her chest. Before hearing the news about Ty, she’d never imagined experiencing the searing, all-encompassing pain of grief. Strenuous forty-hour labor hadn’t even come near it on the pain scale, and besides, labor had its rewards, didn’t it? A child came at the end of it, but this… There was only more pain on the other side. “Does it ever stop?”
He put his hand over his heart and tipped his head up to the sky. “It lessens when you heal. I still miss my dad, but I don’t mourn him anymore. I’ve made peace with him being gone. Mum is mostly there, save on her anniversary. I always try to distract her with some travel or fun to make up for him not being here.”
She nodded. She was already a pro at making up for Tyson being overseas. What would it be like this year? There wouldn’t be a special long-distance call with some of the guys in Tyson’s unit singing happy birthday to Ollie. “Bets is lucky to have you.”
“I’m lucky to be here,” Liam said, gesturing to the house. “If you ask my older brothers, they’d tell you that I don’t mind her babying so much because I’m her baby. Guilty.”
“It’s nice to talk to someone who understands.”
He touched her arm. “Friends and loved ones make hurts easier.”
Did they? Her mom and Angie usually made it harder, pressing at her to heal and move forward. When she’d heard Nicola talk about healing in a community, she’d recoiled from the thought. This wasn’thercommunity. No one here could understand what she was going through. Except…Liamunderstood. He was the first reason she was glad she’d pushed Angie to let her and Ollie come. She hoped there would be more.
“If I think of anything else that might help, I’ll let you know. Like I said, my search for inspiration and healing has driven me to read and listen to a lot of different things. Today’s work accompaniment is Carlo Rovelli. He’s an Italian physicist who writes about reality not being what we think. Living in Ireland, my favorite quote by him compares life to the spot where a rainbow meets the ground. ‘We think that we can see it—but if we go to look for it, it isn’t there.’”
Her brow wrinkled. “What does that mean exactly?”
His smile brightened his face. “When I was a boy, I used to run through the fields until my heart was pounding in my chest, hoping to find the end of the rainbow—and yes, a leprechaun and a pot of gold. But I never did find it. So now, I only stay where I am when I see a rainbow and let its wonder fill me. I don’t have to chase down beauty or magic. It’s all around me.”
Inside her chest was an ache she didn’t understand. Beauty and magic all around? Where?
“Oh, listen to me go on.” He laughed. “I love stuff like that because life can be really beautiful and really weird sometimes.”
“It seemed pretty straightforward to me before Tyson was killed. I fell in love. I got married, and then I had Ollie. Now I don’t understand anything.”
“Exactly! It sounds like you might enjoy reading or listening to a few of the things that have helped me.”
Would it work for her? She’d been good in school because it was expected, but she hadn’t always liked what they’d taught. Who cared about past events or why an object was four-sided? Not her. She’d always been more drawn to art, where she could make and build things. God, she hadn’t done that in forever. “Maybe.”
He sent her a wink. “From where I’m standing, though, you and Ollie are doing pretty well, all things considered.”
She stepped back in surprise. “We are?” It didn’t seem that way to her. It felt like the merry-go-round of their life had stopped circling, the music gone.
“You’re here in Ireland, aren’t you?” He climbed onto his motorcycle. “I’d classify that as something that gets you moving, wouldn’t you?”
He popped his helmet on and turned on the engine, giving a last wave before thundering down the driveway.
A shaft of sunlight broke through the clouds and lit the trees in the front yard. The beauty stole over her, and she felt tears run down her face. Liam thought they were doing pretty well. Not just okay.Pretty well.
Wrapping her arms around herself, she considered his other advice. Movement. She thought of the impossibly short, uncomfortable couch. Yes, she would stop lying around, wrapping herself in memories of Tyson and her lost dreams of their future with their son.
Shewasgoing to make everyone breakfast, and then she was going to find a bicycle for herself.
Movement.
