Page 116 of One Foggy Christmas
“I have excellent taste.”
Momentarily, I get caught up in her charming smile before snapping out of it. The goal tonight is to keep things moving. Too much time in one place is dangerous.
“Should we go?” I gesture to the door. “I made a reservation at the hotel restaurant.”
“That sounds amazing.”
She walks in front of me, and I fist my fingers to keep myself from placing a hand on the small of her back to lead her out of the room and down the hall. It hurts that I can’t do that—can’t be with her how I want to.
Our table is ready when we arrive at the restaurant, and of course, it’s something romantic with candles, a view, and a crackling fire.
We would’ve loved this last year. The old Sadie and Nash would’ve made the most of every romantic spot. Meanwhile, the new Sadie and Nash try to figure out how to be exes who are friends who don’t touch each other. Or maybe I’m the only one trying to figure that out. She seems completely at ease and relaxed.
“I think I’m going to get the filet mignon.” Her guilty grimace makes me smile.
“I’m glad to see you still like to order the most expensive thing on the menu.”
“Oh my gosh, I do. When in Rome!” She laughs. “I can’t believe you know and remember that about me.”
I remember everything about her. Those memories make the days long and the nights even longer. But Sadie doesn’t need to hear my tragic broken-heart story.
“Get whatever you want.” I carefully place a cheerful expression on my face. “My treat.”
“No!” She grabs my arm, and I tense my body in defense. “Let me pay. It’s the least I can do for forgetting you and then divorcing you.”
A surprised laugh escapes. “Yes, I think a two-hundred-dollar meal should cover all the emotional damage.”
Her hand returns to her side of the table, making it easier to breathe again. “Well, order dessert. Let’s make sure you’re adequately covered.”
“It’s cheaper than therapy, so obviously I will.”
“Nash, all joking aside, I’m sorry about how things ended between us.”
I put on a brave face. “You don’t have to apologize.”
“But I want to. I shouldn’t have gone to Stetson’s house on Christmas Eve. It was stupid and insensitive of me.”
“It’s understandable. You still had feelings for him.” Even saying it out loud hurts.
“It wasn’t so much about having feelings forhimas it was about familiarity and normalcy. I craved stability, and because I could remember him, Stetson felt stable. I confused my feelings with my need to feel secure in who I was.” She shakes her head. “It probably doesn’t make sense.”
“It makes perfect sense. You did what you had to do to survive. I don’t fault you for that.”
“You were more understanding than anyone else last year. Thank you for that.”
“Your happiness is all I’ve ever wanted.”
“I wanted you to be happy too, even though I couldn’t make it happen.” Her earnest smile morphs into something lighter. “Ikept thinking how awesome it would be if my memory randomly came back one day. I pictured myself showing up at Superior Health or our brownstone and leaping into your arms or doing some crazy grand gesture to make everything between us perfect again. I really wanted that for you. Forus.”
“Just promise me that if your memory ever does come back, I’ll be the first person you call.”
Sadie smiles. “I promise.”
We say the words, but we both know the reality.
Her memory is never coming back.
But it’s okay. Our relationship isn’t the same, and it’s been the worst, but she seems happy now, and I meant what I said. Her happiness is all I’ve ever wanted, even if it comes at the cost of mine.
