Page 108 of One Foggy Christmas
I turn back to the mess in my room. Pictures are scattered over the floor, and piles of notes, ticket stubs, and cards stack against the wall. The memorabilia makes up the fabric of the last three and a half years of my life.
Until now, I haven’t been ready to go through the boxes Nash packed for me. But after talking to Dr. Shinn this week, I feel confident I can face what was lost and, instead of feeling sad about it, celebrate the life I had.
It’s taken me a long time to get here. Almost a year to the day from my accident. There’s been a lot of mental growth. But I think the biggest has come in forgiving myself for things I can and can’t control, trusting my inner voice, and loving myself where I’m at right now.
It’s been a long time coming, but I’m ready to fill in the gaps.
SADIE
It’s the firstsnowfall of the year. My parents are out to dinner, and Annie is at her place, so I have the house to myself. There’s only one logical thing to do on a Friday night in November, and that’s watch Hallmark Christmas movies.
I curl into a ball on the couch, searching through the movie options on my streaming app, when one movie stops me in my tracks.
“A Swiss Christmas.”
My body jolts up to a sitting position as I study the movie poster of a couple embracing in front of a Christmas market in Switzerland. There’s an obvious pull to the movie, causing me to immediately push play on the remote. I sink back onto the couch as I tackle thoughts about how I was supposed to spend Christmas in Switzerland with Nash last year.
I’m not sad about it. I’m mostly grateful Nash was so willing to do something that was important to me. It’s a rare man who can take a woman’s dreams and actually fulfill them.
A year ago, even a few months ago, I wouldn’t have been able to watch this movie or sit in these feelings, but I can now. I’ve come so far. I’ve healed and grown and forgiven and changed.
I would never want to repeat this last year, but I also wouldn’t change the person I’ve become because of it.
It’s been uncomfortable but beautiful.
For the first time since saying goodbye to Nash, I wonder what it would be like to see him again as the complete person I am today.
Would things be different?
Would my feelings for him finally have a chance to grow?
NASH
Icy wind burnsthe tip of my nose as I walk to the gondola to take me up the mountain. I tuck my nose under my ski mask to escape the intense weather. Usually, a helmet and goggles are enough, but not in Switzerland. You need all the things to stay warm here, especially once the sun sets.
Lindy thought I was crazy when I told her I was redoing the trip Sadie and I were supposed to go on last year. I tried to explain that I had one year to use my reservations before they’d expire. She said I was rich enough to take the loss and that I should just spend Christmas with her.
I understand Lindy’s worry. Traveling alone through Switzerland on a romantic trip isn’t the dream. But this is my life now. Every trip from now on will be like this. I might as well get used to it.
I quickly arrange my skis and poles in the pockets on the door and then sit inside the small gondola, avoiding hitting the knees of the person on the bench opposite me. She has a helmet,goggles, and a ski mask on too, but her light-pink and gray ski clothes make it obvious she’s a woman.
The gondola operator pops his head inside, walking with us as we slowly round the cable.
He says something to the woman in Swiss German.
“I’m sorry. I only speak English.” Her words are muffled under her mask, but the operator understands enough.
“You riding again?” he asks in a thick accent.
“Yeah, if that’s okay.”
He nods and steps back from the doors, letting them close. The cart sways forward as a big push of momentum carries us up the mountain.
“You’re American?” I say to the woman.
“Yes. And you?”
I nod. “Is this your first time in St. Moritz?”
