Page 47 of One Foggy Christmas
I mean, I have.
I’ve cried.
No, I take that back. I’vesobbedplenty of times over the last few days.
Always on my own and always in dark places.
But you can only wallow in despair for so many hours a day. Sometimes you have to focus on basic needs like shaving. So I leave the my-wife-doesn’t-remember-me thoughts behind and run my razor over the last corner of my cheek. A small mirrorhangs from the spout, showing enough of my clean-shaven face that I’m satisfied with my work.
Sadie will be back from physical therapy in less than ten minutes. I need to clean up the bathroom, get dressed, and be out of here before she arrives. She barely makes eye contact with me right now. I doubt she’d be comfortable knowing I use her bathroom to avoid the forty-minute commute back and forth between our house and the hospital.
Water droplets trickle into my eyes, so I wipe my hands down my face before opening the curtain to grab the towel. My gaze scans the small bathroom, looking for Sadie’s towel, but it’s not here. The options are a tiny washcloth draped over the sink or Sadie’s silky pink robe. Neither are ideal.
I dry my body with the washcloth then reach for her robe, fighting to get my arms through the sleeves. When I bought the silky item for her on Valentine’s Day, I pictured something more romantic than a grown man squeezing into it. I look like Cousin Eddie fromChristmas Vacationwith the robe ending upper thigh. All I need is a trapper hat with earflaps to complete the look. But it’s fine. I just need to cover myself long enough to grab my clothes out of my bag. I would’ve brought them into the bathroom with me, but the room is so tiny, and the shower curtain only partially does its job. I didn’t want to chance everything getting wet. Nobody likes damp underwear; it’s a universal discomfort.
When I’m confident everything is quiet, I push the bathroom door open and dart my eyes around the room, making sure the coast is clear before I move. Thankfully, I had the forward thought to shut the hospital room door. I dash to my bag on the counter and quickly rummage through the few things I packed until I find some briefs.
I bend over, lifting one leg to put them on just as the door opens, spilling light and noise from the hallway into the room.My head jerks over my shoulder. Sadie stands frozen in wide-eyed shock. Forget about the pink silk draped over me. I have enough wits to know my hunched-over position isn’t my best angle. The lower half of my bare butt hangs out the back of my robe. One month ago, my position might have been considered a form of foreplay, but judging by Sadie’s repulsed expression, that’s not the case today.
“What are you doing?” she shrieks, covering her eyes with the palm of her hand—not the kind of reaction I’m used to with her. I wish she’d shut the door since every nurse at the nurse’s station is now craning to see what’s happening.
“This…isn’t…” I hop on one foot while trying to get the other through the leg of my briefs, but my big toe gets stuck on the waistband. The more I force it, the more tangled I become until I lose my balance. Panic surges as I reach for the hospital tray table, but instead of breaking my fall, it rolls back—I’ve never hated wheels more. Arms flail as I look for anything to grab ahold of, but my fate is sealed. I crash to the ground, landing on my stomach, taking down everything on the tray table with me.
Once all the clanging and banging stops, an audible gasp tells me Sadie is no longer shielding her eyes.
“You can see my butt, can’t you?” I grunt.
“Um…” She clears her throat, confirming what I already know. I feel a draft and the bunched-up robe on my lower back. Earlier wasn’t a bad angle.Thisis a bad angle. It’s a full moon tonight in more ways than one.
“It’s okay.” I recognize Nurse Peggy’s voice—so glad she could join us. “We’re all professionals here. You’ve seen one; you’ve seen them all. Let’s get you on your feet.” Peggy is suddenly by my side, reaching for my arm.
“No!” I wave her away. “I got it!” I’m thinking of the front of the robe and how, at this point, it’s not covering my man parts. “Maybe you guys could wait outside while I get dressed.”
“Are you sure you’re okay?” Peggy asks, retreating.
“Yep. Only my pride is hurt.”
Peggy laughs. “We’ll give you some privacy.” But as she closes the door, I hear her tell Sadie, “You’re a lucky woman. That’s one cute butt your husband has.”
“I thought you said, ‘You’ve seen one; you’ve seen them all.’”
“I was lying.” Then the door snaps shut.
I press my forehead against the cold linoleum, shutting my eyes as two thoughts run through my mind.
I should’ve done more squats to prepare for this moment.
This is not how I wanted to be reintroduced to my wife.
SADIE
