Page 69 of Summer Ever After
“And you’re not playing.”
His eyes flip to me as he splits the food. “And I’m not playing. I’ve been trying to distract myself all day, just to forget.”
“How’s that going for you?”
“Terrible until now.” A charming smirk pulls at the edge of his lips, swooping my stomach. “I guess I have Serial Killer Brian to thank for that.”
“Why do you keep calling him that?”
“Because if he had shown up for your date tonight, he was totally going to kill you and put your dead body in his truck or throw you off the side of his fishing boat.”
I pick up a wing and dunk the tip into some ranch. “Probably, huh?”
“Why take the risk?”
“You know why,” I say with a mouth full of buffalo chicken.
“Right, you want to fall in love this summer. But why now? Why does it have to be this summer?”
“It’s not like I planned this for years. It just kind of happened, and I decided to roll with it. I mean, whynotnow?”
I’m lonelier than ever, and I’m pretty sure my parents are questioning whether or not they should stop touring and move back to the island so I won’t be alone. Now seems like the perfect time to improve my circumstances.
Walker nods but doesn’t say anything in response. He obviously thinks I’m crazy, along with anyone else who’s heard about my plan. I don’t blame them.
“I know this whole thing makes me seem desperate.”
“Are you desperate? And I’m not asking that in a judgmental way. I get the feeling. I’m desperate to get back to a place where I’m one of the top contenders in golf. If anyone gets desperation, it’s me.”
“I didn’t think I was desperate until I started doing this trope thing. It’s just…my career is set. I have a house and friends. I’m settled, and I’m happy on my own. It’s not like I need or want a man to fulfill me that way. But I’m ready to move on to the next step. Iwantthe next step. I want someone to share in my happiness with me.” I shrug, not sure if any of this makes sense. “So I wouldn’t say I’m desperate. I’d just say I’m ready and sick of waiting aroundfor love to happen when maybe I can do something about it myself.”
“I’m glad you’re happy, Jane. It sounds like you’re in a good place in life. That’s half the battle.”
“Are you happy?”
Walker scrunches his nose, scratching the back of his neck. “So the wings are good, huh?”
“Oh, come on. You’re not getting off that easily.” I push his shoulder. “You asked me if I was desperate. It’s only fair that you have to answer a tough question too.”
His head tilts, and his eyes squint like he doesn’t want to answer. But then he blows out a breath and concedes. “I haven’t been happy for a long time. I don’t even think I can pinpoint the last time I was truly happy. Maybe at the beginning of my career when I first went pro. There were no expectations. I was proud of myself at every tournament, no matter where I finished. Just happy to be there, you know?”
“The beginning of your career was a while ago. Kind of a long time not to be happy.”
“At first, you don’t really notice. You just think you’re going through a funk. Then, when you do notice, you set your sights on the wrong things, thinking that if you could just attain that next level or next status, then everything will be better. But once you get there, you realize you're still not happy, and you start to wonder if you ever will be.”
“You will.” I smile, hoping it reassures him. “That’s what I like about life. No matter how bad things are, there are always more chances to start again.”
“That’s actually what I like about golf. It mimics life in that way. No matter what your score is, the next day, you have to go back to the first tee, start over again, and make yourself into something. That’s why I’m in Sunset Harbor. I’m starting over at the first tee box, where everything began,and trying to make something out of myself again.” His lips push downward. “I just feel bad for you.”
My forehead creases. “Why?”
“Because you’re seeing me at my worst. At my lowest low. When I’m the most pathetic.”
“You’re not pathetic. Everybody goes through ups and downs.”
“I’ve been on the downswing for a while now.”
“Unpopular opinion, but I like this version of Walker Collins.”
