Page 49 of Summer Ever After
“Jane, your red flag is that you don’t have any red flags.You’re constantly flying green flags. You grew up in the easiest family dynamic ever. Lots of money. Famous parents who adore you.”
“So you’re saying my life was easy because my parents are rich and famous?”
“Wasn’t it easy?”
“Yes.” I smile, catching his I-told-you-so look. “But there were also some hard things. When you have no siblings and your parents are gone all the time for work, you have to look elsewhere for a family. That’s where Capri came in. Your family became my family. They’re the perfect people to have in your corner. That’s how I know that if you just try with them, it will all work out, because it did for me.”
“Things don’t typically just ‘work out.’”
“Okay, fine. I shouldn’t have said that it will work out. Even though I have your family, I still feel sad that my parents aren’t around, and I feel alone sometimes, but then I remind myself that I’m never truly alone. I have parents, friends, and neighbors who care about me.”
Walker laughs.
“What?”
“Even your solutions to your problems are so easy. You let hardships just roll off your back. I mean, when was the last time you ever felt anxious over anything? Or had a stomach ache?”
“What does a stomach ache have to do with anything?”
“See? You don’t even know what I’m talking about.”
“Then explain it to me,” I challenge, not sure if he’ll actually do it.
A new expression crosses over his face like he’s weighing his words carefully. We’ve never had the type of relationship where we share deep things. We’ve never had any kind ofrelationship besides surface flirtation as we passed in the halls at school, but I can feel the conversation shifting.
He puffs out a quick breath. “My stomach ties up in knots every time I get together with my family. I feel anxious that I’m not going to fit in the way they want me to. Or that I’m just the disappointing misfit they all have to tolerate. I’m worried I won’t know what to say or that every exchange will be forced and awkward. I’m stressed that I won’t be able to leave when I want to. I literally stew over it for hours beforehand.”
I actually don’t understand what he’s talking about. I’ve never felt that way before, but hearing Walker talk about how hard it is just to be with his family makes me sad, and I instantly want to fix whatever is broken.
“Has it always been like this with them?” I keep my eyes on the ground, not wanting to scare him into silence.
“I don’t know. Everything changed when my dad died. I was just so angry at everyone, especially my mom, for moving us to Sunset Harbor. I let that anger suffocate every relationship I had. It’s my fault.”
I’ve spent years trying to get Capri to face her own struggles related to her dad’s passing and not repress her feelings. It’s weird now to be doing the same thing with Walker.
“You were really young when your dad got cancer. It would be difficult for anybody to watch a parent get sick and die. Plus, your grandpa died around that same time. It’s a lot and normal to have some trauma from that experience.”
“Or maybe it’s not trauma. Maybe this is just who I am. I push people away because I don’t need them. I have golf.”
“You don’thavegolf.” My lips push into a frown. “Golf is a great hobby or career. You might get instant satisfaction from playing it or feel success, thrill, and excitement every time you step onto a course, but golf can’t give you all the things ameaningful relationship can. It can’t give you comfort, love, safety, laughter, friendship, worthwhile purpose. It’s just agame. It’s not meant to replace everything else in life that really makes us happy.”
I can’t tell if he hates everything I said or is letting it sink in and ruminate. But just in case he disagrees and hates it, I pile on more.
“Most people would agree that humans aren’t meant to be alone. We’re meant to be surrounded by family and friends.”
His silence is killing me, so I continue my Ted Talk.
“So maybe while you’re in town, you should try to spend more time with your family—rebuild the relationships you lost when your dad died.”
He lets out a heavy breath. “That sounds like a lot of work.”
“It probably is a lot of work, but the effort is worth it. And the more you come around, the more you’ll get used to them, and the less anxious you’ll feel. You’ll get to know everyone better, and that will make it easier to talk to them.”
He shrugs but doesn’t say anything.
“I mean, what’s the worst thing that could happen?”
“I could get a permanent stomach ache.”
