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Don’t get me wrong, Krew and I are doing great…kind of. We’ve managed to make it through these last eighteen months like champs. I won’t say it’s always been pretty, because it hasn’t been. Krew wears dirty baseball pants to games because I forget to wash them. I only remember to clean the toilet when visitors comment on the yellow ring around the inside of the bowl. The local Panda Express has our names and orders memorized. We never have any milk, and I’ve been late to school pickup more times than I want to admit.
And let’s not forget about the loneliness.
Sometimes it’s so suffocating, I bury myself in work to try and trick my mind into not feeling it. So basically, I’m barely surviving, drowning in a sea of single-parenthood while also trying to run my own business. In my current state, I don’t have time for dating. Maybe someday when things settle down or when I actually figure out what I’m doing, but not right now.
I’m good.
Just me and Krew.
That’s all I need.
I park my car on the street and walk up to Logan and Hillary’s porch. Just as I’m about to knock, the door flies open.
“Ten minutes!” Hillary glowers at me. “You gave up on the date after only ten minutes?”
I guess Candi must’ve texted Logan already.
I step around her into their entryway. “I wasn’t feeling it, and you said dating was all about good first impressions.” I crane my neck, looking for Krew so we can get the heck out of here. “Krew! Krew, it’s time to go.”
“Tyler, you’re never going to be able to move on with your life if you don’t start spending more than ten minutes with a woman.”
I eye Hillary from the side and shove my hands in my pockets. “Maybe I don’t want to move on with my life.”
“Krew needs a mom.”
“I’m pretty sure he has a mom.”
Her voice softens. “You know what I mean.”
Unfortunately, I do know what she means.
And I know I’m failing more than succeeding, so it makes sense that Hillary says Krew needs a mom.
Logan rounds the corner holding Krew over his shoulder like a sack of potatoes. “I think you’re looking for this little guy.” He spins, and I can see the back of Krew’s head and his brown hair, the same color as mine. Everyone says we look exactly alike, and we do, but the rest of him—his feisty, fun personality—that’s all Kristen. Sometimes I shake my head at the similarities between him and his mom—his mischievous smile, his boldness, his creativity. Everything that’s good about him came from her.
“It’s time to go, bud. You’ve got school in the morning.” I ruffle the hair on his head, and his blue eyes peek up at me.
“Yes!” He punches his arms out as he cheers. I don’t know any other second grader that is excited to go to school, but I’m grateful for it. Last year in first grade, it was a struggle to get him to go each morning. Some days I would spend at least an hour sitting in the parking lot of the school, trying to coax him to go to class.
My business suffered because of it, but Krew always comes first, no matter what. I didn’t get that same devotion from my own dad. Growing up, he never had time for me. He missed baseball games, school programs, family dinners, and special occasions.
You name it, he missed it.
The result of his absence was his successful ladder company. Dixon Ladders, the number one ladder company in the South. I hope it was worth it. When I became a dad, I knew I didn’t want to be like that, but since Kristen died, it’s been hard to find a balance. If I throw too much time into Krew, my landscaping business starts to fail. If all my energy goes into working, then I’m no better than my own father. It’s hard. No matter what I do, I feel like I’m doing it wrong.
But thankfully, Krew is liking school much better this year. Kristen’s mom is the principal at a swanky private school, and it was important to Kristen that Krew go to school where his grandma works. I drop him off early so I can go to work. When I can’t make it back in time to pick him up after school, he hangs out with Grandma Diane in her office. It’s a great situation.
Krew looks up at me with a big smile. “I can’t wait to tell Mrs. Johnson that I won my baseball game on Friday.”
Part of his excitement over school is from his new teacher, Mrs. Johnson. Krew talks about her nonstop. I haven’t met her yet, since school just started, but I will at Meet the Teacher Night, and I plan on letting Mrs. Johnson know of my eternal gratitude for her influence in Krew’s life.
I pull his little body off my brother’s shoulder, and he wraps his arms around my neck. “Thanks for watching him,” I say to Logan and Hillary.
“We didn’t even talk about how you blew off Candi.” Logan’s eyes fix on mine as if he’s trying to intimidate me. He may be older, but only by fifteen months. I’m absolutelynotscared of him.
“Oh, I talked to him about it.” Hillary’s arms fold across her chest.
His wife, on the other hand…I’m totally scared of her.
