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I pick up my phone, suddenly needing Tyler more than ever. I love him, and the thought of not being with him seems crazy.
Meg:Hey.
I know, it’s a terrible text, but I’m testing the waters a bit. I texted him last week on Thanksgiving when I was feeling low, but I haven’t talked to him since. I’ve been trying to work through everything in my mind.
I fidget with my lip, waiting for him to respond. These are agonizing seconds. My heart is ripped out of my chest and is now in my cell phone provider’s hands.
Tyler:Hey.
That wasn’t the “I love you. I’ve missed you desperately”text I was hoping for that I definitely don’t deserve because I’ve repeatedly pushed him away.
I’m going to have to say a little more than “Hey.”
Meg:You were right about us. I was making a mistake.
Tyler:What are you doing right now?
Thank goodness. He wants to see me.
Meg:I’m packing up my mom’s stuff, getting things ready for my dad’s wedding tomorrow.
Tyler:Meg, you only text me when you’re sad. Right now you feel like you’ve made a mistake, but how are you going to feel tomorrow or next week? This is what you do. You get sad and lonely and pull me in, and then when that feeling passes, you push me away.
I don’t do that.
Do I?
My mind goes back through the few months since I’ve known Tyler. The bench on the pier, all the nights I texted him about Anna Mae, Thanksgiving.
It looks bad.
There might be a slight pattern.
But the truth is, I wasn’t using Tyler. I really do love him. I’m not texting him right now because I’m sad or lonely. I’m texting him because when you realize that you want to spend the rest of your life with someone, you want that person to be the first to know.
Meg:I’m sorry if it seems that way. I’m not texting you right now because I’m sad.
Tyler:Meg, I can’t keep playing this game. It’s not just me I have to think about. It’s Krew too.
Meg:Can we talk…in person? Please. There’s a lot I want to say.
Saying “I love you” through text feels insincere, and for a guy like Tyler, who is so sincere, I don’t want that.
Tyler:It’s not a good time. I have to leave for Krew's baseball game.
Meg:Are you coming to my dad’s wedding tomorrow? Maybe we can talk then.
Tyler:Yeah, I’ll be there.
Tyler:Goodbye, Meg.
That felt reallyfinal.Not like,“Goodbye, I’ve got to run for now,” but more like,“Goodbye, I hope to never see you again.”
Have I taken too long to get my crap together?
CHAPTER43
MEG
