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I get out of the car and walk to him. The tears are already coming. He opens his arms out wide, and I fall into them, sobbing.
“I’m sorry,” I cry. “I’msosorry.”
“I know.” He pats my hair, letting me sob into his shoulder. “Meg?” he finally asks.
“Yeah.”
“Can we move this inside?”
I laugh and slip out of his hug. He wraps an arm around my shoulder as we walk into the house.
“So what happened?” he asks, handing me a glass of milk. He takes the seat across from me at the kitchen table.
I look down at my fingers, playing with the bottom of the cup. “Zak came back.” I peek up at him.
“Is that why you’re so upset?”
“A little bit.” My voice breaks with emotion. “Maybe him coming back is a sign from Mom.”
“You think Mom brought Zak back into your life?”
“Right before she died, she told me to marry him. Maybe this is her way of making that possible.”
“Meg, if you don’t want Zak, Mom doesn’t want him either.”
“I know you’re right. But her last words are all I have left. They’re the things that replay over and over in my mind. I close my eyes and I picture her holding my hand, whispering them to me.”
“Her last words are just that. What about every other moment or conversation you ever had with her? Don’t those count for something?” His lips slacken into a small smile. “Because I know she told you your entire life to find a good man that loves you like crazy. Do you think that’s Zak?”
“No.”
“Then what are we even talking about?”
My voice cracks. “I just don’t want to lose more of her, you know?”
“You can’t lose her, Meg.” My dad rests his hand on top of mine. “She’s a part of you in everything you do. Her memory can never die.”
I wipe at my tears, letting his words sink in.
“Have you ever thought that maybe Mom brought Tyler into your life for a reason?”
I hadn’t thought that before.
“Dad, Tyler’s a great guy”—probably the best guy I’ll ever meet—“but things with him are too complicated.”
“What’s complicated?”
My dad wouldn’t understand about living in Kristen’s shadow my entire life and how I’d always be comparing myself to her, and if I bring all that up right now, the conversation will inevitably lead to Anna Mae. I’m not sure my heart can handle hashing all of that out. I’ve been awful and I need to make amends, and I plan to. Just not tonight. My dad knows I’m sorry. Hopefully that is enough for right now.
“Things between Tyler and me aren’t going to work, okay?”
“Okay, fine.” He sighs. “Do you want to sleep here tonight?”
“I may be depressed, but I’m not that low.”
My dad’s words circle through the back of my mind.
What if my momdidbring me Tyler to help me realize that I can’t keep insisting everyone live in the past?
