Page 91 of The Promised Prince
His fingers scraped through the curls at his forehead, pushing them back. “I’m trying here. I’m trying to be what everyone wants and needs. I’m trying to be with Seran. You know I have to be with her, but yet you accuse me like I’ve intentionally hurt you.”
“I’m not hurt,” she said with a smile that looked too big to be real. “Like I said, I’m happy for you.” She took the stairs two at a time, distancing herself from him.
How was it even possible that she made him feeleverything?
Trev couldn’t help but think about how much he missed seeing the playful sparkle in her eyes. How he wanted to know what she thought about the fireworks show. How he was dying to find out how the grease had gotten on her forehead so he could tease her about it. How her skin glowed with a touch of yesterday’s sun. How the citrus of her scent would stay with him the rest of the day.
Why did his heart have to betray him so completely? Why couldn’t he just let her go?
34
Renna
“Idon’t think you should do this, my lady. It will be social suicide.” Nora shook her head vigorously as she sat on the edge of Renna’s bed, looking at the drawing Renna had made of the strapless dress she saw in the magazine.
“But could you do it?” Renna asked.
“Make you a new dress?” Nora looked over at the already finished piece hanging in Renna’s closet, fresh from the palace seamstress. The blue gown was conservative and flowing—perfectly befitting of a young woman, or rather, what everyonesaidwas befitting of a young woman.
But Renna didn’t want to fit in tonight.
“Yes.” She nodded at her maid.
“The ball is in twelve hours,” Nora said anxiously. “And this dress doesn’t exactly fit the modesty rules.”
“But can you do it?” Renna pressed.
Nora started shaking her head again.
“Please!” Renna begged. “I’ll even help, if you need me.”
Nora folded her hands in her lap. “Not until you tell mewhyyou want to do this.”
Of course Nora would want to know why. Renna was asking her to do something risky. To do something that could get her fired.
Renna sat next to her on the bed, still towering over her even while sitting. She started speaking, the words coming out fast and full of condemnation. “We all pretend that the Council of Essentials, that the rulers, are making decisions based on what’s best for us, but they’re not. They only do what’s best for them. Working-class people are starving. They don’t even have the basic essentials in life, but the Council isn’t worried about that. No, they’re worried about rules! Why do a few people get to decide what everyone else can and can’t do? Huh? It’s stupid! I’m sick of them telling me who I have to be, how to behave, what I can wear, how much skin I can show, what color my clothes need to be. Before Desolation, women used to be in charge of things; they ran huge corporations, even countries. There hasn’t been a woman elected queen for more than one hundred years. The Council is slowly removing us. Women are inessential unless we are lucky enough to have the right connections.” She hesitated, unsure how much she wanted to reveal, but decided to continue anyway. “I’m sick of the Council telling me who I can or can’t love. I’m sick of arranged marriages and negotiations.” She looked at Nora. “When did we all lose so much control of our own lives?”
Nora shrugged her tiny shoulders. “And what does any of that have to do with a new dress?”
“It’s about taking control. I’m wearing what I want to wear. It’s only a dress, I know. It won’t solve starvation or elect a queen, but things will never change if someone doesn’t dosomething. That’s why I want a new dress.” Renna didn’t know if it was a good enough reason, but it was all she had. That, and an unyielding certainty that if she had to walk away from Trev forever, she would do it on her own terms. And she wouldn’t be forgotten.
“That’s what my father always says,” Nora said, sitting up a little taller. “Things will never change if someone doesn’t do something.”
“So you’ll help me?” Renna smiled. “I promise I’ll tell everybody that I did it on my own. I’ll leave you out of it, so you won’t get in trouble.”
Renna must have said something right because Nora nodded. “Okay. I’ll help you.”
She leaned over, hugging the girl’s small body to her chest.
Changing her dress was just one of the many crazy things Renna had thought of since witnessing Trev’s kiss with Seran, since King Carver’s visit, since running into Trev on the stairs. The memories were vicious; every cutting word, every heartbreaking moment, none of it had been lost. Instead, the memories had taken up residence in the front of her mind. It was all there, the highlights on repeat, wreaking havoc on her self-esteem.
You’re just like your mother...you’re an embarrassment.
And her favorite.
You’re a liability.
There was no way to escape the diseased thoughts. Instead, she let them become her excuse—her reasoning—for wanting to challenge societal rules.
