Page 47 of Any Girl But You
Her fingers intertwine with mine and she leads me to the living room. When I sink into the cushions, I sigh. I love this as much as I hate it. I want to be with Zoey. This is not a question. This is not my fear, not what I’m running from. Buthowto be with Zoey is a totally different question.
As Zoey holds my hand, she rubs a gentle thumb against my inner wrist. The feather-soft tracing makes my skin spark alive and I lean into the touch. She doesn’t push me to talk. Instead, she continues holding me, letting me think and process. Silent moments fall between us until I finally take a sharp breath. “I’m scared.” I tuck a leg under my butt and shift to face her. “This isn’t me. I don’t know what you’ve done to me, but I’ve changed since coming back here, since meeting you.” I nibble on the corner of my lip and take another breath. “I’ve always just had sex. That’s it. I’ve never had…this.”
Zoey tucks a lock of hair behind her ear. “What is this?” she asks. When I don’t answer, she leans forward and cups my face. “What isthis?”
Her eyes are reading my soul, burying into me, seeing all my darkness, and she’s still here. She’s not running, she’s not making me feel like shit, she’s not doing anything but listening.
My chest feels tight. Christ, do people do this in the real world? Talk about feelings and fears? It feels like I’m opening my diary and just waiting to see if Zoey will look past all the ickiness or if she’ll flee. It’s suffocating and frightening, but Zoey is worth it. To the deepest part of me, I know Zoey is worth me living in the fear. I push out a shaky breath. “I’m terrified of these feelings. They’re so, I don’t know, raw. Real. And so fucking scary. I’ve never had them before and don’t know what to do with them.”
A soft grin passes, and she drops her hands from my face. “I’m scared, too.”
My chest lifts. “You are?”
She nods and tugs a pillow into her lap. “I’ve had these feelings before. And they’re beautiful and wonderful. I thought I was going to marry these feelings, you know? When Josie and I were together, I was convinced it was for life. And when it ended, I knew, I just absolutely knew, that I would never have this again.”
Maybe I am the most self-centered person in the world, but it never occurred to me that she is scared, too. She’s comforting me, supporting me, and it should be the other way around. Zoey’s navigated a broken heart, learned to overcome, opened herself up again. I’m the one who has never had this, and I’m scared. Zoey must be petrified.
I peek up into those warm blue eyes, absorb the way Zoey is looking at me with want, and intention, and care, and I want to fold myself into her. “I’m scared of real.”
“I’m scared of real, too,” she says. “But if it’s real with you, then I want to try.”
Her eyes dip to my mouth, and I know that look. The lust is obvious. But there’s more, something deeper. She’s giving me a peek into her soul, a gift, one that I think she’s given to very few people. And in this moment, I decide. I’ll accept the gift.
The couch dips below me as I move forward, cup her face, and bring her to me. I’m slow, diligent, purposeful, as I press my mouth against hers. I inhale the cherry on her lips, the taste of sweet orange and passion and promise. She moves against me, her hands caressing my arms, and slips her tongue against mine.
My body melts. With every swipe, breath, kiss, I drop. My defenses, my fears, my insecurities. Her fingers tug at the edge of my shirt, and my belly quivers. She lifts the fabric, softly, hesitantly, her fingers sweeping against my skin.
The urgency pushes both of us, stronger, firmer, and Zoey deepens the kiss. She pulls my bottom lip into her mouth, then releases. My breaths increase, my pulse picks up speed. This isreally happening. This moment, this feeling, I want to remember every second.
She grips the bottom of my shirt and lifts it over my head, leaving me only in my tank. “Oh my gosh…”
The look she’s giving me as she takes me in makes my mouth water. Lust and want and need, and my body fires to life. She murmurs against my skin and fills my neck with kisses. Her mouth grazes across my shoulders, my collarbone, and the tingles are set free. When she pulls back, her eyes read mine. “Um, can we take this to…” She’s shy. The Zoey-vixen from when we first stepped into her place is gone, at least for now, and reality has set in. I can see what she wants. I know her, and she can’t say it.
I do it for her. “Let’s go to your bedroom.”
Without a word, she hops from the couch, grabs my hand, and leads me there. The hall light illuminates as we walk to her room. Every step is slow, intentional, filled with unspoken words. Nothing is rushed, hurried, nothing is the heat of the moment. We both know exactly what we’re doing.
In the bedroom, Zoey sits on the edge of the bed and brings me in between her legs. Her hands fan underneath my tank, her fingertips slide against my skin. I sink into the touch and loop a finger through her silky hair. She tugs up my shirt, lays a trail of kisses against my lower belly and pulls back up. “Is this okay?”
Let’s get this out of the way. I’ve had a consent conversation with every single sexual partner I’ve ever had. It’s important. Critical, even. But with the way I feel right now, Zoey could dominate me from here to Atlanta, and I’d be the happiest woman alive.
“Zoey. I want it all. You can do anything you want, anything you’re comfortable with,” I say, heat flushing my chest.Please do everything. My senses are heightened, hungry, but I don’t want to spook her. “My safe word is ‘dragon fruit.’”
A small giggle escapes. “That’s an interesting safe word.”
“Right? So, there’s no confusion.” I grin. “For real, though, I’m just going to call this out. I want to sleep with you. Like so bad that I’m practically shaking. But I recognize that this is all really new for you, too. So, you can lead, go as far as you want to go, stop when you want to stop. Anything. Okay?”
Rose blooms her cheeks. She glances down and seems to chew on the inside of her cheek. “I, um, I haven’t been with anyone for two years.”
An almost underlying shame, or shyness, laces those words. But to me, they’re amazing. Zoey is controlled and measured, and this is a gift that she’s letting me know this part of her. How am I this lucky? This beautiful creature wants to be with me. She knows my ins and outs and still wants to share this part of herself with me. “It’s okay. We can take it as slow as you need, or stop completely, or anything. Whatever you want, truly. I’ll still be here in the morning, still whatever?—”
She lifts herself from the bed and kisses me, hard. Her mouth moves against mine, hungry, and breathless. “Can we stop talking now so I can put my mouth on your huge, perfect tits.”
Oh my God!Zoey just said the wordtits, and I am officially dead. We both rip my tank off, she pulls down my bra, my tits fling free, and her mouth latches on. It’s so quick, so sharp, and pleasure rips through me. I bite back a moan as her fingers dig into my skin. The sensation of her mouth on my body, sucking and licking my nipples, make my knees shake. I cup the back of her head, bring her closer, as goosebumps skate across my skin.
Pleasure rushes through my veins. Her mouth is magic, I’m moaning, she’s moaning, and we’re both practically clothed. “I’ve wanted these in my mouth since I met you…” She hums against me. Her fingers work my breasts, massaging, tugging, squeezing. “Lie on the bed.”
Well, holy shit. That husky tone makes my insides curl. Electricity buzzes in the air. The sweet, shy kitten is gone, overtaken by a fierce lioness who knowsexactlywhat she wants. I practically throw myself onto the mattress and scramble up to the pillow.
