Page 51 of All the Right Words
‘I’m going to sort it out,’ Gina told her as she handed the phone over. She wasn’t sure why she was doing this. Olivia wasn’t even asking this time. ‘Look, you’ve got a meeting downstairs with the art department in five minutes. Go. I’ll do what I can.’
Olivia pepped up considerably. ‘Really? You think it’s not too late?’
‘I’ll deal with it. Get to the meeting.’
Olivia, her back now straighter, smiled at Gina. ‘You’re really something else. I hope you find someone better than Alison.’
‘I’d struggle to do worse,’ Gina said with a dry smile. But underneath the sarcasm, she wondered if she genuinely deserved better than Alison.
Olivia paused at the door. ‘What are you going to say?’
‘Whatever it takes.’
Olivia looked like she might like to give a note but seemed to think better of it. She left.
Gina went back to her adjoining office, thinking about how to do this. It should be easy. The words on the page would be attached to Olivia’s persona, so embarrassment was off the menu. She wouldn’t need to feel trapped by her own personality. She could say whatever felt right.
Gina sat down behind her desk and opened the phone. She didn’t even think. She just started typing.
Thirty
The apology was unequivocal this time.
Harper, I’m sorry for not having your back last night. I’ve given this a lot of thought, and I think I was just being uptight because I find scenes like that uncomfortable. But that’s my stuff. I shouldn’t have put it on you. What you did was, in retrospect, perfectly valid. What that woman said was disgusting and merited a drink in the face.
Harper thought for a second, and her reply came quickly.
Thank you. But as I told you last night, I didn’t do it because I was offended. Not for me anyway.
There was a slight pause and then a reply.
Right. But whatever the reason, I should have had your back. I know you didn’t do it to cause a scene. I know you’re not like that.
Harper sighed. There was only one honest response.
Why is it always like this? Why do you seem able to talk to me like this sometimes, and then other times, you seem to disappear. You’re right there, and then you’re a million miles away. I don’t feel like I understand who you are.
There was a very long pause.
I think I just need time to find my feet with you. But it’s up to you if you want to give me that time. I understand that investing time in someone when you’re uncertain isn’t a small ask. But I care about you. I want you to know that. I really do.
Shit. This was the kind of thing that kept hooking Harper back in. This ability Olivia had to say what she needed to hear just when she was ready to walk away.
Harper sat for five minutes thinking about what she wanted to say next. She tapped out a message.
Look, I don’t really know what I want anymore. So I think it might be best for me to step back from this. I like you, but I don’t know if this could go anywhere.
She stared at the message for a while. She wasn’t sure whether to send it. Why was she doing this? Gina was never going to look at her twice. But that wasn’t the point. If Harper found her compass pointing towards someone other than the person she was dating, she had to walk away.
But this conversation was giving her such enormous pause. This version of Olivia - the one that only popped out sometimes - gave her this feeling that serious potential still existed. She worried that if she didn’t give it a chance, she might miss something extraordinary in the long run.
Harper stared at her draft, and she couldn’t quite seem to hit send. It shouldn’t be this hard, should it? This choice? It should be easy. Yes or no. She’d never struggled with a fledgling relationship like this before. What the hell was the problem? Why couldn’t she seem to go all in or walk away?
A message popped up.
I’ve been watching these three little dots for a while now, so either you’re writing me an essay or not sure whether to send something you’ve already written. Just talk to me.
Harper deleted and retyped.I’m feeling confused.
