Page 86 of The Missus
‘You have more power than you realise,’ Alanna told her.
Keira felt a little tight-chested, and she wondered if she might be about to need another trip in the ambulance. But after a few seconds, it didn’t get any worse. She took a few deep breaths, and she felt alright. She finally looked into Alanna’s dark, serious eyes. ‘I don’t want to have that power. I don’t know what to do with it.’
Alanna looked at her wretchedly. ‘Tough. Because I love you. So it’s yours. But maybe what worries you is that I have power over you too.’
Keira shook her head, a smile tried to creep onto her lips. ‘Always the shrink.’
Alanna laughed, sadness in her eyes. ‘It doesn’t matter how you feel about me if this isn’t what you really want. We can still walk away.’
Keira had wanted to do that only a minute ago. But not now. She couldn’t have walked away from Alanna if her life depended on it.
Keira, her heart beating loudly in her ears, slipped her sticky hand into Alanna’s. ‘To answer your earlier question, I’ve been sitting in a coffee shop all week rather than be around you because I thought it would become obvious that I was in pain. Because you were leaving.’ She tried to smile, but it came out crooked. ‘I felt like I was dying.’
Alanna looked down at the hand and back up to Keira. ‘You have?’
‘You’re the smartest person I know, and you didn’t figure that out?’
She shook her head. ‘I don’t think I’m as smart as you think I am.’
‘I don’t buy that.’
‘Well, here’s a fantastic example of my dumbassery. I was going to leave because I didn’t think you shared my feelings. I didn’t think you’d care if I left.’
‘Icared, Alanna.’
‘I’m starting to realise that.’ She paused. ‘If I’d known, I wouldn’t have dreamt of leaving. You know that, right?’
Keira understood what she was telling her. She would not abandon her. Keira believed her. She didn’t even question it. Not today. This person would not up and leave her, not like that.
‘I don’t know what the hell I’m doing,’ Keira confessed.
‘Neither do I,’ Alanna said.
‘But you know that I’m like a virgin,’ Keira said.
Alanna raised an eyebrow.
‘Relationship-wise,’ Keira clarified.
Alanna wiped egg off her chin. ‘I know it’s not who you are.’
‘But what if Iwantedit to be? What if I wanted it to be… just us? You and me.’
‘Just me?’ Alanna repeated anxiously. ‘How would that ever be enough for you?’
‘It already is,’ Keira told her. ‘I haven’t wanted anyone else in a long time now.’
Alanna’s eyes widened. ‘How long?’
‘I don’t know. That stuff doesn’t matter to me anymore. Because I’d rather sit on the sofa next to you than do anything else.’
Alanna looked down shyly. She looked like Keira felt—shy and scared. Keira decided to make a bold move for both their sakes. ‘I need a shower. I’m covered in egg. You coming?’
Alanna’s eyes widened. ‘You mean… together?’
‘Not if you… I mean, we can take it slowly. There’s no rush.’
‘I don’t think it could be considered rushing when I’ve loved you for months.’
